Sounds like a guy that’s been coasting by being wrong about stuff finally being called on it and losing.
Or she’s smart enough to know when to bluff and get away with it
Reads like a good girlfriend, that I want to be friends with.
I’m not a librarian, but my friends have realized I won’t die on a hill unless I can prove I’m right with citations. If I’m not super sure I’ll qualify things with “if I recall correctly” or “I’m pretty sure” while actively looking the thing up, and will say “nope sorry I was wrong/only partially correct, here’s the context I was missing”
I can now lie to them and, as long as I’m confident about it, have them 100% believe me. I wouldn’t do that, ofc, or I world have already and they wouldn’t be so trusting, but I could.
wife: X is Y
me: …
also me: whips out phone
wife: Why don’t you just believe me? Why do you always need to look it up. Why don’t you trust me.
me: I only look up stuff that doesn’t seem right. Would you rather I tell you why it doesn’t seem right to me, or have me look it up and leave you be right or wrong? Either way, I must know, and those worms are not going back in that can
When I was in sales, I would tell my customers not to just believe me and buy immediately. They should go home, look up what I’m telling them, and then come back after verifying if I was offering the best product at a good price, because I was a salesman and you should never trust someone in sales.
Of course, that made them instantly trust me immensely, and they’d insist on buying on the spot because they wanted honest Chilie to get the commission.
What they should have done is gone home and looked things up. I was a salesman and I shouldn’t have been trusted.
So… were you generally offering it at a good price? Or did your career rely on the fact that they didn’t check
It was an excellent product if I pushed it. I didn’t sell shitty stuff unless the customer demanded that specific product, and I’d always ask if they wanted to hear about alternatives.
I did not sell at a good price. I never actually lied, and was in fact very honest. But I used the trust created by that honesty to make sales that were not necessarily great deals for the customer.
Heh, I used to sell computers. If you spent 5 minutes with them explaining Mhz, MB, GB, in terms they could understand and how to go to each tag and understand where they stood in the lineup, I wasn’t on commission, I told them they could go anywhere and take those numbers and compare prices and make an informed decision apples to apples, they almost all immediately bought.
We did NOT generally have the best price, but would price match. They wouldn’t even look elsewhere. You know what you’re talking about, we’re sticking with YOU!
That one does 120 million things a second, this one is the newer chips, it bascially does two things at a time, so they’re both 120 but this one gets 240 million things done. This is the hard drive, it’s your file cabinet, this is the ram it’s your desktop. The file cabinets are huge, but you can only get a couple things out at a time if you don’t have enough desktop space. All these systems have 3 basic options, low, medium, high. Buy medium. It’ll last another year or two longer than low and the price isn’t that much more. If money is no concern, buy high, it’ll last the longest.
They all just made a quick decision and got the hell out.
Not a salesman personally but I was raised by one. I think he tried to get as good a deal for customers as he reasonably could, but the thing that’s always stuck with me is when he told me: “People don’t buy from me because I have the best deals. People buy from me to buy from me.”
Some salesmen may offer good or bad deals, but ultimately what they’re selling is themselves, their personality, their companionship to some degree. My dad could talk to anyone and build a relationship within an hour. It’s who he was, and he leveraged it to make a lot of money because his customers liked talking to him.
Buying through a commissioned salesman will likely always be at least a few percentage points more expensive than using an online portal, but there are a lot of people who will feel like it’s worth it if the salesman is doing their job right.
I actively mistrust people who don’t behave that way in an argument. If your response upon finding yourself to be wrong is something other than admitting you were wrong and correcting yourself, you can’t be trusted to set your ego aside.
That’s kind of awesome actually
It’s amazing but emotionally frustrating. The problem with your partner actually always being right is that you feel like you never win or that your perspective may not be properly heard. The flip side is you don’t have stupid arguments thst you didn’t bring the stupid to and that’s also awesome, but rough on the self esteem. Definitely requires learning better emotional processing so you actually understand the need or emotion at the core of what you’re saying/requesting
I’ve gotten in the habit of being wrong occasionally on purpose so my wife is less frustrated. Kinda like how drug dog handlers will plant the occasional drug if it’s been too long without a bust, so the dogs don’t get depressed.
The problem with your partner actually always being right
Unlikely, they’re probably picking their fights, and/or doing prior research. Either way, if you can’t face being wrong, you can’t learn, and that’s on you. Do the emotional work until you can and learn to research yourself, few things are black and white, your side may well have good arguments and references itself, you’ll never know until you look.
This will likely be either very good or very bad for your relationship.
- Learning something new is winning.
- Your perspective is irrelevant when it comes to facts. It only matters when it’s about your personal experience, and there are no sources you can cite to contradict those experiences.
I mean, if your partner’s right and has demonstrated it, you could just update your perspective and be right too…
Well yeah, it’s the emotional come down from it. Being mad isn’t just a logical state, its a biochemically based emotion. It doesn’t go away immediately, you gotta take a breather and process your emotions as they cool off. As that’s happening you can feel steamrolled or like you aren’t being listened to because the reason for the argument isn’t actually the thing, it’s that you had a need and you got into it about the thing because that seemed a way to get the need met. And like, yeah, that’s a skill you need to learn regardless, but it’s basically a form of relationship where there’s no excuses and you feel like you’re always the unreasonable one.
And yeah, this has been how the first two or three years of my relationship with my wife forced me to git gud. Way better than stupid fights, but yeah it was not easy as someone who had had a disorganized attachment style that leaned anxious.
Often times people are incorrect about specifics, but correct or valid in the point they were attempting to make.
It’s obnoxious to deal with analytical or biased people who can never look past the surface level.
I’m the kind of guy who will look stuff up. I think it’s really important to admit when you’re wrong and the other person was right. Don’t move goal posts or claim you misunderstood. Just own it.
Like I was having a debate with my partner about if it was faster to go all the way up and over, or make a lot of turn-right then turn-left. I thought the ladder was faster because it approximates a straight line. She was like no that’s crazy. Eventually I found that’s called Manhattan distance and she was right, and I fully admitted defeat.
Love this. People who display like trophies the times they were wrong have learned one of life’s simple truths: there are no trophies for being right, just crappy knockoffs of the learning process one forgot.
You can either be right, or be happy. Sounds like the librarian wants to be right
I think that stance only really holds when talking about arguments where you can’t reasonably convince the other person. Like, I’d be frustrated if my wife was conceding arguments just to make me happy, I don’t want to stay wrong. But I have had the thought when coming down of “why is it that I’m always the unreasonable one”, and given that I was coming down from an argument it was not charitably toned.
Being right or happy is more about someone being in the wrong. If you think it’s normal to wear shoes in the house and your partner doesn’t, it doesn’t matter that your area is largely pro shoe in home, if it matters to your partner the wise choice is to accept that their happiness with the situation is more important to you than winning the fight or even getting to keep wearing shoes at home.
When you have a partner like the librarian you also often have to ask if you want to win or be right. And if the answer is win you need to really ask yourself why, because if your partner is right and you’d still rather win, something is wrong. Hopefully it’s that you’re like me and needed some maturity and to learn to express needs before they show up in an unrelated argument.
Please tell me she pulls out an index card for said citation like a main character from Yu-Gi-Oh.
“I are you certain of that?”
“Pretty sure.”
“YOU’VE JUST TRIGGERED MY TRAP CARD!”
“It’s time to D-D-D-D-Debate with credible source citations”
I realize what I’m saying is basically the same point as the post, but I can’t help myself… What was that moron talking about? When normal people get into arguments, it’s over mundane everyday shit like forgetting to wash dishes or being irritated about friends or activities. Not stuff that you can cite.
Normal people don’t get into arguments with their partners about shit where the answer is already known and you just have to look it up on Wikipedia or something. And only a moron would argue against the already proven truth.
I can definitely cite sources on why it’s your turn to do the dishes.
Somethings are more ephemeral, philosophy, political and social sciences, that sort of thing. And arguing vibes against a person who can quote Hobbes, Foucault, Spinoza, Butler, etc. Will not go well, but doesn’t necessarily lead to a resolution
I may have an explanation. I’m gonna guess this guy probably talks out of his ass, like me, and bullshits a bunch of vibe based conjectures.
Harry Frankfort wrote an essay and then a book called “On Bullshit,” and he talks about how people often times don’t necessarily lie, but they bullshit. Bullshit is something based on what we don’t concretely know, which is different from a lie. A lie is when we tell someone something that we believe to be true.
Like if I saw someone who looked like friend’s girlfriend cheating on her with another woman, and I tell my friend her girlfriend isn’t cheating, then I lied. Whether or not I actually know if the girlfriend is cheating is irrelevant to the truth (truthiness?) of my statement.
What like… In conversation?
Yes arguments are a type of conversation. Like every square is a rectangle but not every rectangle is a square, every argument is a conversation but not every conversation is an argument.
No I mean, it’s very hard to APA style talking.
Dewey Decimal for the win.
Dewey was an asshole. source: am librarian.
Ok mood though. My wife’s really smart and autistic while I’m pretty smart and just adhd. Arguments basically go with her steamrolling me without meaning to because she makes good points and can bring evidence if need be. She’s gotten better at letting me say my piece over the years though
