Well yeah, it’s the emotional come down from it. Being mad isn’t just a logical state, its a biochemically based emotion. It doesn’t go away immediately, you gotta take a breather and process your emotions as they cool off. As that’s happening you can feel steamrolled or like you aren’t being listened to because the reason for the argument isn’t actually the thing, it’s that you had a need and you got into it about the thing because that seemed a way to get the need met. And like, yeah, that’s a skill you need to learn regardless, but it’s basically a form of relationship where there’s no excuses and you feel like you’re always the unreasonable one.

And yeah, this has been how the first two or three years of my relationship with my wife forced me to git gud. Way better than stupid fights, but yeah it was not easy as someone who had had a disorganized attachment style that leaned anxious.