waking up to someone that’s supposed to be your parent sobbing on the floor in front of you, begging you to “change yourself”, saying she wanted a “normal family” and that I disgust her is in fact, not a great way to start the day. eating expired jam off of toasted hamburger rolls that were on sale probably fares a little better.
I’ll be honest, I already knew spawnpoint’s true feelings about me even though she never said them out loud before. actually vocalizing them was my last straw. how the view of someone could change from strong to pathetic and selfish in just a couple months… isn’t anything I can put to words.
I shut my mouth. I went to school. but I wasn’t going back to a house where I’m viewed as “disgusting”. I wasn’t going to go back to a house where I couldn’t focus on anything because of a looming presence. I wasn’t going back to a house where someone would try in every way to get me to fit her mold that she so desperately wants. a house where I could not trust anyone.
I took a friend’s offer to crash. I was pretty much already packed for a scenario like this, so I didn’t need much notice. my situation is well understood by their parents, and I’m trying for a different arrangement asap.
but here I am. a place where I can just… be. no more pretending. no more hiding my meds in fear of them getting taken. no anxiety over the next emotional burst. I studied more tonight than I ever did last week for a class final tomorrow. I’m just functioning how anyone else would need to in the day-to-day, but I’m crying now because in that house it was just impossible.
I don’t know what I’m going to do next. all I know is that today, for all my work, I get another small break. a glimpse of what it’s like to live. to be human. and I regret nothing, not even the 15 missed calls, white cheddar pasta, and getting ready to sleep on the floor.
cheers everyone ❤️ I should probably get some sleep now…
You are a great author and I’d happily read more of your story. (I particularly like your use of the word spawnpoint)
Sending you all the strength and happiness for this new chapter of life!
hehe thank you!! I always try to write in my free time about whatever goes on, whether that be just privately kept on my computer or posting about it
Lean on your friends now. I’m so sorry that your parent is failing you like this. You deserve so much better.
Sending all my love.
Oh shit I’m sorry. Sending all the good vibes available your way!
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Be grateful for supportive friends and the family you choose.
I escaped my abusive parents at 16 with my now-partner of almost 40 years. If not for their warm, accepting, supportive, and protective existing chosen family, I would not have survived.
Stay strong, little sister. You have a community. We love you and support you and are proud of you. Find us and let us know what you need.
Once words leave one’s mouth they cannot be taken back. She crossed a limit, and more importantly your limit. It’s very healthy that you recognize this and that you act on it.
I haven’t had this courage regarding a close one for way too long and now me and my kid are pretty fucked up. So kudos for affirming yourself. If it’s not done already you may consider blocking notifications on her calls and her texting so you are in control of this channel.
I don’t know what’s up with your spawnpoint but the frequent emotional outbursts which induce anxiety into her relatives are a clue already so I’m going to give you this advice: be very wary of any sudden drastic change of discourse. Don’t let that surprise you. Honeyed words do not cancel the damage done. Lowering your guard would be an opening for her to try and undermine you at your essence. If at one point you ever have to engage with her, stay factual and be a rock. Do NOT engage emotionally.
my thought is, wherever those words came from, no matter how expected it may seem, it doesn’t make it right.
I’ve gotten a new phone line, changed my important stuff and shut off the other one. I know spawnpoint probably wouldn’t shut off my phone, but having control over that communication channel and a part of my life is reassuring because I still don’t trust her. the only one that can contact me is my grandma now.
I don’t expect her to cozy up after this, but if she does I won’t entertain it. I’ve been brief with her ever since she shut down my feelings the first time and I feel no obligation to engage with her outside of upcoming therapy.
I’m so glad you have such support readily available to you! I hope your gene donors aren’t the control freak types that will make your escape from them overly difficult. Here’s wishing you luck on your final, as well as making your own path through this life with minimal needless challenges.
🫂
I’mm happy you have those people to take you in. 🫂 I hope this is the worst it gets for you
If you need more help in the NYC area, do ask me, I got the connections. 😤
ayyy I recognize you from my other post!!! hi!!!
it would depend on what kind of help, I think I’ve got it from here insane as that sounds. the only thing I need right now is a job, but I don’t think anyone can help me with that but myself, and despite my computer skills nobody wants to hire someone without professional experience… :(
I’ll consider your offer open!
Here’s hoping your terrible day may be the start to a wonderful new chapter in life
Thank you for sharing! And thank you for caring - about your wellbeing! 🩵 Life is not black and white and the bigoted norms that we have grown up with can hit us again at a later time, when we least expect them, but stay strong! You deserve to be loved! Period! 🩵
what a lovely and relatable text. i wish you all the best!
Oh… Wow, that’s violent.
Wishing you the best.
You mentioned in a previous post that your Gran is more accepting. Would it be possible for her to put you up for a while?
As for your mother, obviously im not there and dont know the subtleties of the situation, but a lot of parents have a hard time coming to terms with transition because they see it as their child being replaced by a different person. Of course sometimes it is just bigotry, but some parents just need a bit of time to understand that you’re not becoming a different person, just a happier one. As I’ve said, I don’t know the ins and outs of your specific situation.
Either way it’s good you have somewhere to go for now. Stay safe and happy.
grandma knows where I am and I’m keeping in touch with her only. she understands I’m prioritizing my wellbeing and by extension my studies. I’ll see what I can do because she lives far from my school.
as for spawnpoint, I’m not sure whether she ers on the side of bigotry or misunderstanding. I was ok with her crying and I tried to be as accommodating as possible while I awaited a session with a therapist to talk things out in a controlled environment.
nonetheless, I don’t want to stay in a house where that’s what someone says to me or thinks of me. I don’t wanna have to walk on eggshells deciding whether something I want to do to care for myself will cause her to lash out. I mean hell I was afraid to use a hair dryer or shave my face. being there wasn’t good for my health.
safe to say I’ll try my best to avoid talking to her outside of that upcoming appointment.
You’re just a kid and you are not supposed to deal with this, but it looks like your mother is on her way of accepting you as you. Be patient, but also please stay strong and don’t let her dictate who you are.
Uhh it doesn’t sound like her mother is on her way to accepting at all.
Maybe, but I wouldn’t rush to conclusions. Chattre mentioned her spawnpoint’s disapproval before and voiced scepticisms of her developing an understanding. But as it was (partially) kept secret from her, to some extend, she is still figuring it out and might just need some time to digest it.
Though darling probably knows her spawnpoint well enough to not be unreasonably scepticical, it’s not unthinkable that acceptance might follow, either.
Well, the shift from “you’re abomination” -> “I’m disgusted by you” -> “I just wanted a normal family” is promising
there is no such shift
it’s not “you disgust me” -> “I wanted a normal family”
it’s “I wanted a normal family and you disgust me”
Ahh yes, I’ve got an answer from marvel fanbase. Listen buddy, people are good in general, your fantasies make them bad
yeah, right, good people who say “you disgust me” to their child. I feel like you might have never met actual good people.
Their immaturity doesn’t allow us to jump into conclusions about their characters
previously living under her roof I can assure you that there are no wrong conclusions here 💀
