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chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net to Chapotraphouse@hexbear.netEnglish · 6 days ago

Scientists Successfully Transplant Pig Foreskin Onto Circumcised Man

theonion.com

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Scientists Successfully Transplant Pig Foreskin Onto Circumcised Man

theonion.com

chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net to Chapotraphouse@hexbear.netEnglish · 6 days ago
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NEW YORK—Calling the breakthrough a significant step forward in xenotransplantation, New York University doctors confirmed Monday they had successfully transplanted a pig foreskin onto a circumcised human. “This successful operation proves that pig penises are a viable, long-term solution for circumcised patients in desperate need of working foreskin,” lead surgeon Robert Langford said of the procedure […]
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  • happybadger [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    I’m super excited for this. With just 100 transplants, I can have the largest foreskin on Earth. A weighted blanket wherever I go.

    • NephewAlphaBravo [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      popuko-gun delete

      • happybadger [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        6 days ago

        Soon I will be able to shield my eyes from negativity like yours. Guess why.

        • DogThatWentGorp [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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          6 days ago

          Really excited about my paragliding potential they said I’ll have after foreskin #300 gets installed.

          • happybadger [he/him]@hexbear.net
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            6 days ago

            You know that worm from Dune? That’s what I want for me.

          • chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOP
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            6 days ago

            For that you really want the tanuki ball sack transplant

            • DogThatWentGorp [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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              6 days ago

              Why not both?

          • FloridaBoi [he/him]@hexbear.net
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            6 days ago

            Feels like a minor supe from The Boys

          • LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins [none/use name, any]@hexbear.net
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            6 days ago

            Remember that post about the Olympics where people were injecting silicone into their dicks to give them more circumference because each % increase in girth yielded a proportional increase in ski jump distance?

            happybadger’s foreskin will soon provide enough additional circumference and aerodynamic lift to exceed orbital velocity. we’re going to beat SpaceX to Mars on the backs of pig foreskins and sheer gumption

            • DogThatWentGorp [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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              6 days ago

              That’s how you do it. Nothing but hog. Engineering elegance.

    • Robert_Kennedy_Jr [xe/xem, xey/xem]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

    • Guamer [she/her]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      comfy

  • Rom [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    The Onion

    sicko-wistful

    • Lurkmore [none/use name, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      Is it bad I totally believed this?

      • oliveoil [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        6 days ago

        This is the only one I’ve ever fallen for.

        Was genuinely excited.

      • RION [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        6 days ago

        It doesn’t seem particularly far fetched? We do it with their heart valves after all

        • Keld [he/him, any]@hexbear.net
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          You can’t do a xenotransplantation of living tissue, its immunogenic. The implanted heart valves are dead.

          Using dead pig skin as a graft is just a worse version of a fish scale graft with way increased risk of infection. Even if it was possible (I don’t know if it is) it would just be a worse version of an existing procedure

          • RION [she/her]@hexbear.net
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            6 days ago

            Oh interesting, I didn’t know the valve was dead

            So what you’re saying is we need a fish foreskin to transplant

            • Keld [he/him, any]@hexbear.net
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              6 days ago

              Preferably more of a fore-scales situation

              • Mardoniush [she/her]@hexbear.net
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                6 days ago

                Please don’t give the scalies any more ideas

    • oliveoil [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      oooaaaaaaauhhh

  • MattEagle [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    hog on hog awooga

  • EstraDoll [she/her, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    new advancements in hog technology

  • comrade_pibb [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    god damn i almost ate the onion

    • oliveoil [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      Nah, I swallowed it whole.

    • Snort_Owl [they/them]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      Oh so thats what the onion is for

  • redparadise [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    Shouldn’t this be in fake news?

    • chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOP
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      6 days ago

      You can cross post it

      • redparadise [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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        6 days ago

        No way in hell did I open hexbear to see this reply, only to get this:

        This is worse than reddit I’m leaving goodbye bears.

  • oliveoil [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    So now you can literally jork your hog?

  • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    damn i was kinda excited i wanted my luxury pussy to have elephant ears

    • oliveoil [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      kitty-birthday-sad

  • Snort_Owl [they/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    I want to turn myself into a flying squirrel

  • oliveoil [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    Published: June 8, 2026

    NEW YORK—Calling the breakthrough a significant step forward in xenotransplantation, New York University doctors confirmed Monday they had successfully transplanted a pig foreskin onto a circumcised human. “This successful operation proves that pig penises are a viable, long-term solution for circumcised patients in desperate need of working foreskin,” lead surgeon Robert Langford said of the procedure performed late last year, expressing hope that the new development in cross-species phallus grafts could help address the nearly 130 million Americans on the national waiting list to receive a foreskin donation. “We took porcine tissue from a specially bred, well-endowed pig and genetically edited the sample in order to reduce the chance that it would be rejected by the host penis. For the first time in history, we’ve been able to confirm without a doubt that renewed sensitivity and enhanced sexual pleasure can be safely transferred from pig to man. Imagine a world in which doctors can promise terminally circumcised patients a second chance at stimulation.” At press time, Dr. Langford announced that after a record 93 days, the penis had died.

    Alt text: Turn your piss into gold. Unlock the hidden wealth stream.

    Alt text: Turn your gold into piss. Liquidate your assets today.

  • robotElder2 [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    Doc is it supposed to uh… curl, like that?

  • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    Will it actually restore the sensitivity tho?

    • beanenjoyer [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      For the first time in history, we’ve been able to confirm without a doubt that renewed sensitivity and enhanced sexual pleasure can be safely transferred from pig to man.

      • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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        Oh god damnit I didn’t see this was an onion joke, got my hopes up!

    • chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOP
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      There’s certainly potential https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/100659-longest-orgasm-in-mammals

      • culpritus [any]@hexbear.net
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        6 days ago

        :sicko-pig:

      • 30_to_50_Feral_PAWGs [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        6 days ago

        Also known as swine or hog, pigs are considered a subspecies of Sus scrofa, the wild boar, although they’ve been domesticated since as early as 13,000 BC.

        When the scrofa is sus stop-posting-amogus

  • darkmode [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    tossing the pigskin mean something different in my day

  • DragonBallZinn [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    Putting a new meaning to “post hog”.

  • red_giant [comrade/them, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    6 days ago

    this is taking anti-Zionism WAY TOO FAR

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