take space, be visible, now more then ever!
Queer people: I’m a cis straight man. Would it be ok for me to show some rainbow iconography to show support? I try not to put myself in gay spaces since that’s not for me. Idk if it would come across as like…stolen gay valor or something.
Side question: is it ok for me to refer to lgbtq+ people as queer? The acronym feels clunky but I’m not sure if this is a “we can say it but not you” situation.
I understand that the answers may not have broad agreement one way or another but I wanted to do at least a little bit of a temperature check.
Is it ok for a white person to shout “black lives matter” even when they only/mostly have white friends? Of course it is! Because it shows solidarity. By you showing rainbow iconography you do exactly what is shown in the original post. You don’t have to affiliated with people to accept them for who they are and to show everyone that.
I hate saying all the letters (doesn’t roll of the tongue easily) so I usually say queer. Some might feel offended by it, as there are always people being offended by anything, but it’s not like I try to exclude anyone by saying it.
I consider myself queer even though I’m attracted to the opposite sex. I have only a few gay and trans friends and a few non-white friends but I stand beside them and fight for them, and anyone one else wherever they are on the skin color spectrum, gender and sexuality spectrum, from whatever ethnicity they might me, so they can feel safe and accepted.
There are also some gay people I know that I despise, as they are toxic AF. But even for them I fight because the despise has nothing to do with them being gay and they have as much right as anyone else to be who they are.
I only judge people for their character and actions. I fight for equality, even for people I don’t like or hang out with.
Certain events are inclusive of anyone accepting of queer people, including allies. Look for something that says “all are welcome!” It’s nice to have people there that perhaps aren’t “one of us” but still treat us like anyone else.
Others are not, simply because it’s for specific groups. If you’re a cis man, I would be very cautious of you if you came to a lesbian or a non-binary gathering. Attending because you’re a father or brother of a lesbian and want to understand more about your loved one would likely be ok.
Best thing to do for any of these events is to remember that you are not the focus and these are centered on queer experiences. It’s nothing against you! But it’s good to always remember it’s about making sure a queer space stays safe and welcoming for queer people.
If you hear one of us venting about cis het people (and it is usually specific ones or ones that do x), please don’t take it personally! We know it’s not all cis het people, just specific ones that have made our lives harder just because we are not cis het.
This should go without saying, but don’t fetishize anyone. Being attracted to trans folk or bisexual/pan/etc. folk is completely ok! Treating them like a sex object is not. (This is probably not you, but in case anyone reading this needs to see it spelled out… Here it is.)
We welcome people that want to support us! But bragging about how much of an ally you are is off-putting. I’m not saying you do this, but it does happen occasionally and… Just don’t, it comes of as very insincere and “straight savior.”
I can’t speak for all of us, but I consider “queer” a reclaimed term that should not be used by those not queer but I don’t have a better commonly used alternative. I like GRSM (gender, romantic, sexuality minorities) but again, this is not common. LGBT+ or LGBTQ is fine imo. I am just one person of a large community so you may get different answers.
I don’t think a pride flag (or inclusive pride flag) is bad for a cis het person to use. Don’t use a specific one, like a men loving men or lesbian flag unless there is clear indication that you are in support, like “I love my [identity] [relation].” Note that if you have a flag without context, you might get hit on by the same gender. As long as you remain polite, all is well!
There is an ally flag that is a safe bet!
Apologies if some of this is obvious to you. Thanks for asking. Just trying to be thorough and try to include things that anyone that might encounter this message find useful.
Thanks for the thorough perspective! The specific space I was thinking of was a gay bar/gay club. There have been a few times when I’ve partied with a group that included a bunch of gay men. Then that group wanted to continue the night at a gay bar and invited me. Even with an invitation, it would feel like invading. I had no idea there was an ally flag. I’ll look into repping that.
Thanks for all the tips.
As a lesbian who goes out to gay bars, my perspective is that if someone who isn’t queer is invited by queer friends to a gay bar, it’s absolutely fine to go. Just don’t flirt with people, as I’d find that disrespectful. Have fun with your group, and enjoy the wonderful events at the bar (karaoke, drag shows, trivia, etc.). As long as you’re being respectful, I see no problem with it. But obviously don’t go there by yourself and definitely don’t try to pick someone up. Gay bars are a place for queer folks to be open and be themselves, without the prejudices of the cishet. It’s a bastion of safety for us. If you are invited as part of a group, then clearly you are believed to be capable of upholding the safety that they provide.
Also, I second the ally flag. There’s one I saw on a house that was just the intersex pride progress flag with “All are welcome” or similar written on it. That would be a great flag to fly.
EDIT: Here’s the flag I saw:
And a little note on the word queer. It’s going to depend on who you’re talking to, but I can’t imagine myself ever having a problem with its use unless it were used as a slur, and it’s very obvious when it is. I, and everyone I know, wouldn’t bat an eye at a cishet person using the term to refer to us if it were done in a respectful way. While it’s a reclaimed word, I feel that it has been so aggressively reclaimed that it’s okay for use by out-groups so long as it’s in the right context, and has the right intention. Just my perspective.
Cis straight here but with family and friends in the community…
In most things, context and execution matters.
I wear a rainbow “he/him” pronoun pin and have a rainbow PopSocket on my phone, but I probably wouldn’t dye my hair non-binary colors since I’m not nonbinary.
I’ll refer to “queer pride” and queer-friendly spaces, but I wouldn’t say that someone is “one of the queers” for instance.
So… I hope that “it depends” is a helpful answer here. :-)
Some dumbass kids spraypainted “GAY PEOPLE ARE NOT COOL” on the bridge into town, so I snuck out there with my red spraycan and put an X into the “NOT”. I’ve never tagged anything, I felt like an idiot doing it. Just so gay people know we got their back in this town, in case they see it.
Yeah, it’s cause we are so hot. 🔥
Also “not cool” in the US is best known as an exceptionally low-effort, apathetic, and/or impotent rebuke, so the correction hits like “forgive our pathetic shitheads”
ETA context: my sexuality is others’ orgasms, whatever their gender. Whatever the means. And I’m good at it.
hah ! such an easily hijacked message. Amateurs
https://static.klipy.com/ii/c3a19a0b747a76e98651f2b9a3cca5ff/eb/fe/bfPRGgRy.gif
Could get a few other colours to have covered it with a rainbow. Though that is quite a few spraycans to carry.
Fuck Nazis.
Happy Pride!
Fuck Nazis.
I’d rather not. I have standards.
If you’d like to file for a legal alternative, you must submit proof of ten severed Nazi heads. Your request may be filed multiple times, but no guarantee for it to be approved.
Hetero, nuclear family, dad checking in
I’m in deep red Tennessee. When they declared June nuclear family month…
I immediately went to flags for good and bought this
It’s flying on my porch currently. Because fuck those guys.
I absolutely hate the nuclear family, genuinely why the hell is that called a “traditional family” its not even a century old. The true traditional family is the communal family which I vastly prefer.
Yeah it’s really stupid. So much other things to worry about.
But no. Gotta alienate those folks who are different than me.
I’m assuming nuclear family month is a reactionary anti-pride Christian virtue signaling thing?
You’re correct
Good old Tennessee, never fails to disappoint
What flag is that?
Tennessee + Pride
Huh, I guess I’ve never seen the Tennessee flag before despite living in a bordering state.
Neither have I, just guessed it was related based on the text
It’s also so that bigots who want to pick on marginalized people will think twice after noticing how many enemy flags are nearby.
I try to not be seen as queer at work and I still have a pride flag in my office as a sign of support. Honestly, surprised there hasn’t been a single comment about it in the years I’ve had it up.
I put it up after someone I know was talking about how they put up a pride flag and then a lot of neighbors joined in and it helped their daughter feel safer and more welcomed in their community (she wasn’t even queer afaik, her mom just had a girlfriend).
I try to not be seen as queer at work
I instantly thought of this character in the Key & Peele Office Homophobe sketch (or whatever it’s called).
