People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity.
The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.
Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.
Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?
The chances of a solar particle hitting your RAM and causing a bit to flip are tremendously unlikely as well, but there’s hardware made to prevent that from happening (I realize ECC does more than that).
I mean, do female astronauts/cosmonauts regularly float naked in the space station?
I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.
Nut allergies strike again!
Stroke?
Not long ago I learned nut allergies aren’t really a thing anymore. https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2025/nov/11/peanut-allergies-declining-children-explained
Bam. Fun fact.
Awesome! Thank you for this!
All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.
Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn’t melt. Cock socks that don’t leak and are easy to clean.
This is why we fund NASA!
The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.
Receptacle*
These guys never heard of a “posh-wank?”
Edit: a posh wank is when you jerk it wearing a condom. Its also helpful if ur guy that doesnt like “the feel of condoms”
I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?
A wank whilst wearing a condom
With a condom is what I have heard. Expensive hence posh I guess!
Jacking it with a condom on
That’s when you eat your cum so you don’t have to clean up right?
Thats just normal recycling
Yeah but you have a side salad with it
That’s a normal wank…er…right? Right?
Not exactly haha…its when you jack it with a condom on
Jack what?
A coat.
Wait why would I jack a coat if I already have a condom on?
You’re fine. Just wrong direction.
Wow…
IT
I could Google it but I’d rather hear it from you since, no, I have never heard of a posh-wank.
Have they actually done a fluid simulation, I still hold the position you can’t bukake in space or microgravity as it where
Semen isn’t gravity fed so I don’t think the lack of it would make a difference.
Idk I think semen can have a little gravity, as a treat
I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first
Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.
This hypothesis generated by the same guys that are pretty sure sororities are just for naked pillow fights.
“Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.
Not buying it at all… I’m not saying it’s impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy… not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!
No, it’s true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.
Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.
(/s)
Doubly so when you consider space is a vacuum
Am I Pragnent?
How is babby formed?
Preganté. You has it.
gregnant
I had to look it up. It’s still flippin’ hilarious but holy moly it’s 9 years old!!!
👵 i made your internet. This bit is much older, 2006, it’s got many variants that came after. Looks like gregnant was 2016.
It was on the news this mroing
I am. pregannenant!?
Probably
Dangerops, prangent sex
Im out there shootin tardigrades
women floatin gonna get some babies made
that’s why I knew this rap was gonna be great
I wacked off in space and now my commanders …late…
This sounds like a Dracula Flow bit lmao
“We out here shootin’ tardigrades. Smokin’ on that baby-back, third-degree, JB Weld, mega-millions Zaza. Shot a rope on the spacewalk and that bitch encircled the entire planet. This shit ain’t nothing to me, man. I’m twelve million years old, I left a brick on the moon back in the BC era. Don’t fuck with me.”
Semen from various astropervs just floating around in the capsule sticking to peoples’ faces, getting in their hair, etc.
Additional protein, yummy 😋
Well that explains all the masterbation
Space invaders: genetic boogaloo
LMAO. Gold.
well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it
This article was originally published on 23 July 20222
Damn, that’s already after the butlerian jihad
A Nasa engineer named Smythe answered questions from Conan O’Brien on his podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend in 2022.
scientists says
This is not a serious publication.
if you nut in space will it push you backwards
And since penises are usually not that close to the body’s centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.
Yes. That’s so you can catch it in your mount on the way around.
I don’t think they let them masturbate while riding horses in space
wtf horse? Where the hell did that come from? This is deffo gonna fuck up the math.
in your mount
:P
Aw beans. Ya got me.
Gravity 2 starring William Dafoe
Directed by Quentin Tarantino, full title - Gravity 2: The feat of space travel, which definitely isn’t a pun.
Gravity 2: a cold wank
Depends which way you point.
nutting thrust is nothing compared to the poop fart
The same happens on earth
Asking the big questions.
The quote has been misattributed: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/masturbation-in-space-nasa-warning/
It’s a valid emergency propulsion method and I’m sick of being told it’s not.
One day I’m gonna save a space station, that will show them.
there should absolutely be a shitty trash movie about this.
I hope it’s really techy talking about overall force, nozzle velocity, etc, but also soapy, so the audience knows what the main propulsion expert is fighting for …
“if you nut in space, it push you backwards.” - Griffin McElroy
“CRANK THE THROTTLE!” “STOP CALLING IT THAT!”
Great… Another job I’m not qualified for
It was odd that the question was at the top of the application form too!
it’s highly unlikely, fluids stick together and make drops in the air which you can easily see and avoid. and also, come on, women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm floating through the air is even less likely that women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm swimming in the water of the public swimming pool …
Good point, don’t wank in the swimming pool either.
What about wanking in the hand lotion at least ?
Well I guess that’s fine. It’s a long time since I was at school but I don’t think hands can get pregananant.
Urban legend, dude wanked in the hand lotion and sis used it as lube or something.
The chlorination of a public swimming pool is deadly to sperm, so I imagine the chances on a spaceship are a lot higher.
Also “easily seeing and avoiding” is just not realistic. You don’t have eyes on your vulva that are focused on checking for stray sperm globs 24/7.
Haha imagine a female astronaut free breeze for the lolz. Maybe even the reason the male astronaut is cranking.
Clothes they are wearing clothes.
This website is complete junk.
This is certified misinformation. Here’s the fact check destroying it.
What the hell is wrong with their website? Even when enabling Java Script and Disabelung ad/tracking blockers it still won’t load
works fine with ublock origin and firefox?
Oh cum on, it’s going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I’d be more concerned about the stray ‘liquid’ getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.
Fortunately we don’t have to worry about this yet as “This article was originally published on 23 July 20222”.
That reads as “male astronauts should not mastrubate in space”. So it’s absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It’s not like she’s going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.
Lmaoooo
Wasn’t that a joke from some comedian?
I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title
It is, it was a bit in one episode of Conan’s podcast, they even mentioned in another episode that some website reported it as true.
Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.
New fetish unlocked
Pornhub: no Problem, we deliver.
Pornhub getting into the space race would be a hilarious and welcomed turn of events. The rockets naming potential alone is worth it.
Like how would it even get all the way up there lmao
