Hi, I’m Azura! I am so happy I have found my way to this community.
Self Realization
This year I’ve been checking out lemmy. Just lurking around, being mostly drawn to !transmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone and !196@lemmy.blahaj.zone because reading your posts and comments gave me this weird, funny, wholesome warmth that I just couldn’t explain. “Like joy, but it hits differently”.
relevant memes (spoiler)
One comment lead me to look up the “egg prime directive”. 2nd search result was an article title Am I Trans, which answers the question, but - as the title implies - also goes beyond. And… oh girl, was that an emotional roller coaster! It’s so suspiciously on point, I still need to figure out if the author (Cassie LaBelle) is secretly me from the future.
Early on in adolescence I started “accepting” that I wasn’t afab and learned to suppress my feelings, to keep my fantasies in my dreams. I’ve actually asked myself several times throughout my life if I should consider a “transsexual transition”, but my archaic understanding of the concepts made the whole thing appear scarier than it is. “What’s to gain if I don’t even hate myself”?
Gladly, the Am I Trans article cleared up a lot of my misunderstandings and fears. And the posts on lemmy.blahaj.zone gave me so much joy and hope! I knew that denying it any longer was hopeless. Not just becoming a woman, but the thought of having always been one feels oddly right to me. So, on my favorite day of the year, I hit that turn-me-into-a-girl.com button and transformed my lack of self hate into actual self love. Now here I am! As of writing: ✨ still closeted ✨
But I’m working on a coming out. I am certain that my friends, coworkers and close family are all supportive, which is a great privilege.
About me
I’m about 30-ish, a programmer and political activist. I boycott eating animals. I live in a small city in Germany. I guess I can start considering myself a mom? No clue how long one has to wait for HRT here, but maybe my daughter and I will both hit puberty in parallel 😅
Shout out to @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone and @QuinnyCoded@sh.itjust.works, your posts were the stars that guided me through the night🥚.
Love, Azura
Wait, almost forgot to add a photo. It hints at how I came up with the name “Azura”.
photo of me (spoiler)
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Willkommen Azura! :)
Waiting times in Germany aren’t too bad. You have to get a session with a therapist in (and if it’s a good one, then you will get your hrt recommendation after 1 session) and you have to get some bloodwork done. The hardest part is finding a therapist and an endocrinologist haha
If you haven’t, you can check out transdb.de for some queer-friendly doctors/therapists/etc. near you.
Welcome azura! Great to have ya here, and were supportive of you no matter what happens. Glad you have alot of support irl too! Not everyone gets that, so its great seeing someone who does lol
Also just to let you know, the picture you wanted with this post is not showing up for some reason. Could just be my app (voyager for lemmy, android) but just letting you know if not.
Anyways, again welcome! Happy youre here! ❤️
Thank you!
regarding the image problem… Hmm, I sometimes have image problems when they are hosted on Anubis protected sites (nudge nudge @quokka@quokk.au), but haven’t seen that issue with lemmy.blahaj.zone yet. Does it work if you read the post in a webui? https://phtn.lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/lemmy.blahaj.zone/41017283
Alternatively, here’s a link to an imgur album of the pics
Interesting, i checked the webui and it was the same. Had a thought to tap on the ‘photo of me’, turns out its like a spoiler tag, had to tap to see picture.
Seems its the same on the voyager client cause i just tried, just never seen that before
Great pic!
Hello!
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on figuring it out! (I guess that sounds a bit like you passed a test to join a secret society?)
Welcome to the girls’ team!
I sure hope, haha! I actually do like of think of it that way: “I joined the club” is currently my favorite coming out phrase. I’m worried that cis women could get offended when suddenly hearing “I’m a woman” from someone with masculine appearance or a low-skilled attempt at femme presentation.
oh god i love your name, it reminds me of the Good Witch Azura
That’s also my primary association, though my memory of Owl House is foggy. But honestly I chose this nickname because
spoiler
when I mentioned that my blue hair unintentionally turned out slightly purple, a coworker accurately pointed out it’s literally azure.
Hi Azura! And welcome! I’m so happy you decided to join us! I’m pretty new here myself, but let me tell you everyone is amazing. They have been nothing but caring and supportive of me and it has really helped me. I’m still a big ol’ ball of worry and self doubt, but coming here everyday really sooths my soul.I look forward to walking this path with you and everyone else here, holding hands along the way!
♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡
Thank you, I’m by your side!
Welcome and happy to meet you!
I myself started this journey just a few months ago. I long had the same experience, to keep my wish to be a girl confined to games and fantasies.
Growing up in the 90s as well, there was (and still is) a lot of homophobia in my home village. So as a kid I figured anything more exotic surly would mean social suicide. In a small village of 5000 people not really a good option. When you can’t leave or change schools. So I pushed that part deeeeeeep down but I also had several occasions where I really should have noticed that it does not work like that but I didn’t.
Besides as a 13year old to wear your sisters clothing and feeling amazing is a totally cis boy thing to do… :3 but also don’t tell anyone about it.
I told my wife last December that I have these fantasies and we are working things out now together. It is good that you have your wife’s support, to me it has been invaluable! We were visiting my family in Germany at the time so I am extra curious to hear more about your journey in my old home! I also will have too look into these things myself as I am still a German citizen.
If you need someone to talk to just sent me a DM I just happen to have just finished my BSc in Psychology and embark now on a mission to find a job! (Meaning I’ve got some time on my hands)
Welcome again,
Maple
Thank you 💜💜 If I think about it, I guess i never wished to confine it. I was just frustrated that I didn’t have a magic wand, no “I just click this button and there you go” as you can do in games or dreams. I’m sorry to offend, but the few (nonpassing) transfems or crossdressers that I saw IRL didn’t spark confidence (there’s obviously an observation bias). Luckily, as I said, this community / the internet had been a great help to get more perspective and confidence. 🥰
I wish I had that bucket of magic, button or any other instant perfect fixes. Sadly I have not found it yet so in the meantime I try to get on HRT and possibly FFS depending on the effects of the former and how my therapy is going. Tomorrow is my second appointment :3
I am glad that you found more confidence and hope that this community will continue to be good for you.
I don’t know anyone else nor have I seen (consciously) any other trans person in IRL. Now I hyper focus so much on my own body and its features that I don’t think I can make any reasonably accurate assessment about mine or anyone else’s body because of my own distorted views.
