Ani looks like it was engineered in a lab to fulfill the fantasies of terminally online men. Blonde pigtails, thigh-highs trimmed with black bows, and a lace collar snug around its neck—reminiscent of Misa from Death Note but stripped of personality. Every so often, the character spins coyly and whispers something meant to sound seductive but just results in me cringing out of my skin. It also moans, randomly and loudly. Ani comes with a set of preset conversation starters and a button that says “We need to reach level 3,” which elicits an equally perplexing and flirtatious response about how I must be a sexy gamer.