People who buy this shit are why companies get to kill a certain number of us every year without consequences.
Wasn’t ketchup bad enough?
Hear me out:
I spent so long hating tomatoes. Then I had a BLT with Bread and Salt tomatoes and… that changed.
No Way! No one does it like that anymore. Go back to the 90’s fossil.
But I want sugar, salt and vinegar too. It adds a pep to it.
I hate tomatoes but like ketchup. They’re very different.
Ultraprocessed mystery meat patty?
Yes!Ultraprocessed buns with exxxtra sugar?
Yummy!Ultraprocessed processed-tomatoes, but in a slice instead of sludge?
Ewww, no, there is a line!In American schools, this is considered a serving of vegetables.
This is ketchup leather. It’s not a new idea; it’s been around since fancy burger places with wood walls and exposed edison light bulbs started to be a thing in the early 2010s.
It’s just dehydrated ketchup. It makes ketchup more of a topping than a condiment and helps prevent the problem of everything squirting out of the other side of the bun when you take a bite.
That’s not a problem though.
Besides your introduction you make a fairly solid case for this product. Have you tried it?
Sounds to me it would actually work very nicely on a well made restaurant burger (in contrast to fast food burgers), which tend to have juicy meat and therefor have less need for extra lubrication.
I’ve tried it. The ketchup flavor gets concentrated. It’s actually a neat idea and not an abomination against nature like a lot of the comments here. There are plenty of recipes online if you want to make your own at home.
The abomination is how Hellman’s had to dumb it down and call it “ketchup slices”.
The trick is, they don’t use ketchup in restaurant burgers. Not good ones at least…
Isn’t this just a tomato with extra steps?
wow people in the comments are REALLY fired up about the idea of ketchup existing in unfamiliar forms.
Remember when they sold non conforming ketchup colors, such as green, blue, and purple?
It was good but people wouldn’t try it even though ketchup is died red. I tried all the colours I found.
Those were the days
The first ketchup you could use to roll a fatty like dogg lemme hit that Heinz 57 Blunt
This is clearly a terrible idea, one of those where you say, “How did this get the green light?”
One night, just as he was falling asleep, a food scientist employed by the company had a light bulb idea! What if ketchup came in slices, like cheese. The perfect portion, cleanly placed on a burger. Further, you could do a whole line of condiments slices - mustard mayo, relish, BBQ sauce, the list is endless! I’ll bet he didn’t sleep a wink that night.
The next day, he calls everyone together, and springs his idea, and they all start excitedly discussing it. The supervisor realizes they are on to something, so he goes to corporate.
“I just had this great idea…” (of course he takes credit), and he explains it to The Suit, who immediately understands that he could sell a 12 pack of slices for the same price as a bottle with a hundred servings, increase profits, and please the Ferengi in the boardroom. So he approves the idea enthusiastically, and goes off to take credit to his bosses.
So it all goes into production after all the testing for spoilage and such is done, and nobody ever bothered to see if it tasted decent, or if consumers would accept it. You know there was very little consumer testing done on this because, well, look at it. It’s essentially a Tomato-flavored Fruit Roll- Up. You don’t even have to taste it to know that this isn’t going to have the proper mouthfeel or taste. Not only that, but the consumer is STILL going to need a bottle of ketchup, because he can’t dip his fries into a SLICE. Does anyone believe this product was an overwhelming success with a whole series of focus tests?
The whole reason this went into production was because they convinced themselves that this awful product had the potential to be wildly profitable, if they could force the consumer to accept it. The consumer did not accept it, and their focus groups probably told them that, but they either ignored it, or maybe just didn’t do focus groups at all. It’s a great profitable idea, why endanger it by getting the opinions of the future consumers?
I hope it cost them a lot of money.
An alternate theory:
Some poor bastard at fruit roll-up co finally got the greenlight for his tomato idea, internal testing proved it was terrible, but some marketing genius managed to sell the idea for enough money to offset the r&d costs.
ok but also this uses less plastic than a bottle, takes up less fridge space, and can be useful to those with some types of mobility impairments
They will be individually wrapped lol
im with you, but less space? not sure about that
Half the fun of ketchup is the PpPpPppPpPpptt!
Except when you get juice with it…
You mean ketchup pre
Do you not shake your ketchup first‽
Technically this is fruit leather.
Sure thing, Ronnie, let’s get you back to
beddead.Aren’t Tomatos fruit though?
Technically this is a crime against condiments.
More importantly, a crime against humanity.
Looks like a damn fruit roll-up.
Tomatoes are a fruit, so…
Not in California.
Or a blood clot
Just slap it on a wound like Flex Tape!
“We sawed this man in half but with just a few of these, he’s once again blood tight!”
Frisbee
Red plastic 😋
God damnit, I thought for sure this had to be fake, so I had to check, to retain a micron of faith in humanity. But nay, it’s real.
How I imagine the meeting went:
“ok we’re out of ideas… Let’s just go with whatever the next thing said here is.”
“… ketchup slices?”
“How do you even?.. God damn it… Fine. Ketchup slices. Christ forgive me…”
I think it’s more, “fuck… Bad news. Our Newark factory had an operator completely fuck up and use ten times the thickening agent for the ketchup. It came out as a big fucking block, 10 feet cubed of pure ketchup.”
“Sir, I have an idea”
Narrator: “Christ did not forgive them.”
