In the early months of my transition, I thought I might go with a phallus preserving vaginoplasty. I have never liked my balls or scrotum, but didn’t really have any major problem with my penis. I eventually decided a regular full depth vaginoplasty would be the path for me because that annoyance with my balls spread to my penis.
Last night however, my wife got handsy, but I was too tired for sex. I ended up with an erection anyway, and it scared the ever-loving shit out of me! It felt so alien and wrong to have that attached to me on the same level as having a leg turn into a chicken wing. I had read stories of people feeling that kind of wrongness and never really related to it because I was more annoyed with my genitals than them feeling like they don’t belong on me, but I was on the edge of being a sobbing mess until my erection went away. I’m glad I have a very clear sign of my plan for bottom surgery is probably the right one, but I do not envy those of you who have to put up with that regularly.
Yeah I found my genital dysphoria got a lot worse as time went on. Initially when I started HRT, I was completely ambivalent on my bits. My face and body bothered me a lot more. But post-FFS, and after HRT had a few years to do its work, my bits bothered me more and more. My old parts became more and more incongruous as the rest of my body feminized. Eventually I went through with SRS, and I’ve had no regrets since. That was back in 2013.
Mood
Almost at 2 years on HRT though so it’s less of a nuisance but the pit I succumb into when I do get dysphoria about it has grown with every waiting day.
