In the early months of my transition, I thought I might go with a phallus preserving vaginoplasty. I have never liked my balls or scrotum, but didn’t really have any major problem with my penis. I eventually decided a regular full depth vaginoplasty would be the path for me because that annoyance with my balls spread to my penis.

Last night however, my wife got handsy, but I was too tired for sex. I ended up with an erection anyway, and it scared the ever-loving shit out of me! It felt so alien and wrong to have that attached to me on the same level as having a leg turn into a chicken wing. I had read stories of people feeling that kind of wrongness and never really related to it because I was more annoyed with my genitals than them feeling like they don’t belong on me, but I was on the edge of being a sobbing mess until my erection went away. I’m glad I have a very clear sign of my plan for bottom surgery is probably the right one, but I do not envy those of you who have to put up with that regularly.