Hello everybody!

So I may have given a lot of people a surprise today. Let me start off by apologizing to everyone whose trust I abused.

I apologize to my parents for saying I had an interview without specifying it was for “Most Wanted.”

I apologize to my colleagues and students for saying I had a personal emergency (by the time anyone reads this, I probably most certainly DO need to go to the ER, but can hardly call that not a self-inflicted status.)

I apologize to all of the people I traveled next to, all the workers who handled my luggage, and all the other non-targeted people at the hotel who I put in danger simply by being near.

I apologize to everyone who was abused and/or murdered before this, to all those who suffered before I was able to attempt this, to all who may still suffer after, regardless of my success or failure.

I don’t expect forgiveness, but if I could have seen any other way to get this close, I would have taken it. Again, my sincere apologies.

On to why I did any of this:

I am a citizen of the United States of America.

What my representatives do reflects on me.

And I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile,removed, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.

(Well, to be completely honest, I was no longer willing a long time ago, but this is the first real opportunity I’ve had to do something about it.)

While I’m discussing this, I’ll also go over my expected rules of engagement (probably in a terrible format, but I’m not military so too bad.)

Administration officials (not including Mr. Patel): they are targets, prioritized from highest-ranking to lowest

Secret Service: they are targets only if necessary, and to be incapacitated non-lethally if possible (aka, I hope they’re wearing body armor because center mass with shotguns messes up people who aren’t

Hotel Security: not targets if at all possible (aka unless they shoot at me)

Capitol Police: same as Hotel Security

Hotel Employees: not targets at all

Guests: not targets at all

In order to minimize casualties I will also be using buckshot rather than slugs (less penetration through walls)

I would still go through most everyone here to get to the targets if it were absolutely necessary (on the basis that most people chose to attend a speech by a pedophile,removed, and traitor, and are thus complicit) but I really hope it doesn’t come to that.

Objection 1: As a Christian, you should turn the other cheek.

Rebuttal: Turning the other cheek is for when you yourself are oppressed. I’m not the personremovedd in a detention camp. I’m not the fisherman executed without trial. I’m not a schoolkid blown up or a child starved or a teenage girl abused by the many criminals in this administration.

Turning the other cheek when someone else is oppressed is not Christian behavior; it is complicity in the oppressor’s crimes.

Objection 2: This is not a convenient time for you to do this.

Rebuttal: I need whoever thinks this way to take a couple minutes and realize that the world isn’t about them. Do you think that when I see someoneremovedd or murdered or abused, I should walk on by because it would be “inconvenient” for people who aren’t the victim?

This was the best timing and chance of success I could come up with.

Objection 3: You didn’t get them all.

Rebuttal: Gotta start somewhere.

Objection 4: As a half-black, half-white person, you shouldn’t be the one doing this.

Rebuttal: I don’t see anyone else picking up the slack

Objection 5: Yield unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.

Rebuttal: The United States of America are ruled by the law, not by any one or several people. In so far as representatives and judges do not follow the law, no one is required to yield them anything so unlawfully ordered.

I would also like to extend my appreciation to a great many people since I will not be likely to be able to talk with them again (unless the Secret Service is astoundingly incompetent.)

Thank you to my family, both personal and church, for your love over these 31 years.

Thank you to my friends, for your companionship over many years.

Thank you to my colleagues over many jobs, for your positivity and professionalism.

Thank you to my students for your enthusiasm and love of learning.

Thank you to the many acquaintances I’ve met, in person and online, for short interactions and long-term relationships, for your perspectives and inspiration.

Thank you all for everything.

Sincerely,

Cole “coldForce” “Friendly Federal Assassin” Allen

PS: Ok now that all the sappy stuff is done, what the hell is the Secret Service doing? Sorry, gonna rant a bit here and drop the formal tone.

Like, I expected security cameras at every bend, bugged hotel rooms, armed agents every 10 feet, metal detectors out the wazoo.

What I got (who knows, maybe they’re pranking me!) is nothing.

No damn security.

Not in transport.

Not in the hotel.

Not in the event.

Like, the one thing that I immediately noticed walking into the hotel is the sense of arrogance.

I walk in with multiple weapons and not a single person there considers the possibility that I could be a threat.

The security at the event is all outside, focused on protestors and current arrivals, because apparently no one thought about what happens if someone checks in the day before.

Like, this level of incompetence is insane, and I very sincerely hope it’s corrected by the time this country gets actually competent leadership again.

Like, if I was an Iranian agent, instead of an American citizen, I could have brought a damn Ma Deuce in here and no one would have noticed shit.

Actually insane.

Oh and if anyone is curious is how doing something like feels: it’s awful. I want to throw up; I want to cry for all the things I wanted to do and never will, for all the people whose trust this betrays; I experience rage thinking about everything this administration has done.

Can’t really recommend it! Stay in school, kids

https://www.newsweek.com/cole-allen-manifesto-shooting-suspect-anti-trump-message-detailed-11880026

  • quarrk [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    7 days ago

    Administration officials (not including Mr. Patel): they are targets, prioritized from highest-ranking to lowest

    All but confirms planted evidence by FBI lol

  • DasRav [any, any]@hexbear.net
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    7 days ago

    This would be a bit cringe to read if he had gotten some of these ghouls, but the cringe is off the charts since he didn’t.

    I don’t think it’s a false flag thing, they would be unable to resist implicating the left more directly.

    • DogThatWentGorp [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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      6 days ago

      Yeah the

      Wow there’s no security!!!

      followed by getting absolutely no one, because they got stopped by security, is really funny (in a cosmic sort of way).

      Like- my intuition when don’t see something I expect is that I’m unable to see it or unable understand where it is. I don’t assume it isn’t there.

      • OttoboyEmpire [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        6 days ago

        it really is quite funny. “no one is clocking me as a big threat” says the guy who everyone, correctly, clocked as not a big threat.


        there’s a great cum town bit wherein the guys are riffing on a news story about a kid who got arrested for csam, for which he got caught because he provided to his community college professor, instead of a thumb drive with his term final on it, a thumb drive with loads of csam on it.

        nick pretends to be the kid panicking all night after submitting the final, only to give a sigh at sunup and conclude something like, what am i worried about? there’s no way i gave the wrong drive. i’m going to be just fine.

        like it’s so fucking funny to imagine these dinguses thinking they’re out of the woods, reassuring themselves just like we all do, but they are in so fucking deep, and are just about to get fucking nailed to the floor.

  • Rom [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    7 days ago

    The manifesto also makes reference to “a speech by a pedophile, removed, and traitor,” which may be in reference to the president

    “may” hasan-ok-dude

  • MLRL_Commie [comrade/them, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    Why are the manifestos never just posted online with like a delay or something? So that they’re openly verifiable?

    Either way, fucking weirdos everywhere in this story. America delenda est of course, but either the FBI are fuckin weird nerds or this guy is. Probably both

  • Coolkidbozzy [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    Turning the other cheek is for when you yourself are oppressed

    The United States of America are ruled by the law, not by any one or several people. In so far as representatives and judges do not follow the law, no one is required to yield them anything so unlawfully ordered

    Basic Christian morality, a belief in american civil religion, and that’s it? Assassins don’t have strong ideologies anymore

  • DwigtRortugal [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    the tempting security setup, the weapons choices, the coordinated aftermath with the ballroom posting, the mention of

    the many acquaintances I’ve met, in person and online, for short interactions and long-term relationships, for your perspectives and inspiration.

    is just too fedposting chefs-kiss

      • InexplicableLunchFiend [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        American attempts something American very Americanly - What are we, a bunch of IRANIANS?

        The part where he’s like “If IRAN wanted to do something they could have done whatever they wanted! Up the security for gods sake!” as he’s planning his attack is like, unbelievable. No self awareness at all at what he is doing or who’s side he is on. If Trump’s administration is your enemy, so much so that you’re willing to die to take a shot at him, then why do you have the same foes outside of the nation’s borders? Why do your worldview and his align so much? Never crosses his mind or that of millions of “anti-Trump” Liberals, who swear up and down they oppose everything Trump is about while moving every day to become more like him and share his enemies.

  • Sanctus@anarchist.nexus
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    If security really was that bad all those dudes would actually be dead by now. One pissed off, fired, and well respected general could coup the country in a night. This is a call to get others thinking of going in alone to try. Theres no way a rational person would exclude Patel when picking targets. It’d just be all the faces of the administration since they all love to flap their fascist meat slabs in front of the cameras.

  • darkcalling [comrade/them, she/her]@hexbear.net
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    If this guy wasn’t a carefully set up puppet for someone’s convenience (groomed online by FBI over a period of months probably) they are incredibly sadly video-game brained. Talking about priority of targets when shooting at the president as if they’ll get a chance to continue firing after that lmao. You’d need a fully armored and enclosed power suit to be in that position and still living with the amount of fire you’d be taking immediately even if you took your first shot at the president without being noticed up until that point.

    The only thing that makes me question that is he doesn’t seem so far from this to be their ideal shooter. Goes to church for one when they’d prefer a Muslim, especially a Shia or someone with relation to Iran. Talks in libbed up talking points not antifa/Marxist/leftist. Maybe FBI guys writing his manifesto only surveil terminally online libs and so can only write like them.

    Also I have to dunk on some people yesterday claiming the cops at the checkpoint were slacking which no they were not if you saw the video. Short of standing on the firing line guns pointed at the metal detector the whole time they were pretty ready and almost immediately as he brushes past the guy turned the other way he draws his gun and starts firing as do all of them as they move to close. Should they in a maximal security environment had a man-trap system maybe, are they likely to want to do that with swanky elites who chuff at that kind of thing? Probably not.

    • Awoo [she/her]@hexbear.net
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      Should they in a maximal security environment had a man-trap system maybe, are they likely to want to do that with swanky elites who chuff at that kind of thing? Probably not.

      All they need is a wall that forces you to stop. Something like this would stop a person from being able to blow through like that.