There, I said it.

  • CthulhusIntern [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    21·
    24 days ago

    Allistic people will speak in code, never say what they mean, and say something like “the sun isn’t bright enough” to mean they want you to clean the window instead of just asking you to clean the window, try to decode the hidden meaning of what someone said when they directly said what they meant, and then they claim WE’RE the ones with communication issues

    • awrf [pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
      17·
      24 days ago

      Yep, I was recently over at a family member’s place and they made something to eat and asked how it was, I told them that it was good but I would have made it slightly differently, and they were like “oh so you don’t like it? we have other things” and I was just like sigh. I know they’re just trying to be nice and all, but it gets really annoying when this type of thing happens with almost everything I say and I have to tell people, no, I mean exactly what I said, you don’t need to try to decipher some hidden meaning! Another common one is someone will tell you they’re going somewhere, but I’ve recently learned that it usually means they’re going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them. Like, ugh. If you’re inviting me, say something like “I’m going to the market, want to come with me?” It’s not that hard! yells-at-cloud

      • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
        5·
        24 days ago

        stuff like

        Another common one is someone will tell you they’re going somewhere, but I’ve recently learned that it usually means they’re going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them

        Is protecting feelings. Many people find rejection painful, an implied offer that isn’t taken up doesn’t hurt because there can be protective fictions but “would you like to come” -> “no I would not like to come” strips the situation of those fictions. Often people try to soften rejection by lying e.g. “Oh I’d love to but I’m actually already…”.

        Many people do not enjoy lying and by being direct you can be rude by putting someone in a situation where they feel they need to lie or hurt someone’s feelings.

        I understand that this is confusing sometimes, but it would not be zero cost for people to do otherwise. They would find themselves hurt many times by your rejections (and probably then protect themselves by not asking). Unfortunately there often aren’t easy answers, and some sort of compromise that protects feelings but balances your need for clarity has to be hashed out on a case by case basis.

      • CthulhusIntern [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        4·
        24 days ago

        Another common one is someone will tell you they’re going somewhere, but I’ve recently learned that it usually means they’re going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them.

        And then the one time you think “You know what? When people say that, it means they’re inviting the person”, it turns out that, no, they weren’t inviting you, and at best, things get awkward, at worse, they admonish you for inviting yourself and being presumptuous.

      • SkingradGuard [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        3·
        24 days ago

        Another common one is someone will tell you they’re going somewhere, but I’ve recently learned that it usually means they’re going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them.

        Is this why when the last time I said I wanted to hike somewhere, my friend invited herself and said “I can come!”? Huh.

    • tocopherol [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      11·
      24 days ago

      I have thought “it’s interesting how everyone I get to know that opens up to me is weird, neurotypical, queer, or some other sort of ‘non-normie’.” I tend to be friends with those that fit these categories but I do feel like even most ‘normies’ are much less of the normal archetype on the inside, they are just better at fitting in and putting up with everything.

      • Dort_Owl [they/them, any]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
        8·
        24 days ago

        That’s partly what I was joking about, there are just so many weird social songs and dances that I’m expected to follow even though they’ve always seemed pointless to me. We could all just be saying what we mean without the fluff.

        • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
          4·
          24 days ago

          So I am not diagnosed but everyone around me says I am textbook 'tismed (tbh I think I’m just weird and angry) but something that helped me feel like this stuff was less frustrating was

          a) reading anthropology papers to understand why all this stuff happens (it’s about belonging, recognising other’s as fully human, and a replacement of the physical grooming other apes do)

          b) conceptualising interacting with humans as interacting with any other animal. For some reason I felt a lot more comfortable performing non hostility for non human animals in their weird mannerisms and habits, but we’re also just animals and if I can like avoid prolonged eye contact with a stressed out non human, I can make some for stressed out humans etc.

          • carpoftruth [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
            4·
            24 days ago

            not directly relevant but one of my favourite wild animal interactions was a time when I was kayaking and came upon a mom and pup seal sunning themselves on the rocks. I could tell mom was nervous so I didn’t want to get close and scare them, but the two of them were very cute so I didn’t want to leave. First I paddled past and gave them space, panning across them without staring, to make it clear that I saw them but wasn’t reacting like a predator. Then a loud speed boat came along and I could tell that agitated mom, so I positioned myself between the boat and the seals and faced away from them, demonstrating that I was also concerned about the boat. That really landed and they relaxed, so after that, I let the current push me back along the shore closer to the seals.

            this was them. ultimately I got about 25’ away and we just vibed for 20 minutes while I drifted around.

  • lib1 [comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    24 days ago

    I learned the other day that when allistic people say food “looks good” they don’t mean that it’s aesthetically pleasing. They mean it looks like it will taste good 😭

  • PowerLurker [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    9·
    24 days ago

    can confirm, am a total freak

    (i’m ADHD w/ mild-to-moderate social anxiety though, so feel like a limbic traveler between two worlds, not quite at home in either… comrade-stoic )