The original article was stub. Here’s the beginning of the article right now.
Sen. John Fetterman was hospitalized in Pittsburgh after a fall during an early morning walk near his home in Braddock, his office said Thursday. A spokesperson said he suffered a ventricular fibrillation flare-up that left him light-headed before he fell and sustained minor facial injuries, and he is staying for observation while doctors adjust his medication.
The full statement from Sen. Fetterman’s spokesperson posted to X:
During an early morning walk, Senator Fetterman sustained a fall near his home in Braddock. Out of an abundance of caution, he was transported to a hospital in Pittsburgh. Upon evaluation, it was established he had a ventricular fibrillation flare-up that led to Senator Fetterman feeling light-headed, falling to the ground and hitting his face with minor injuries. Senator Fetterman had this to say: ‘If you thought my face looked bad before, wait until you see it now!’ He is doing well and receiving routine observation at the hospital. He has opted to stay so doctors can fine-tune his medication regimen. Senator Fetterman is grateful for the EMTs, doctors, and nurses who are providing his care.”
There’s filler and then they quoted him whining.
Along with his health concerns, Speaking to CNN’s Dana Bash on Wednesday, Fetterman said the left have wished for his death on the social media platform Bluesky while the right have called him names. Fetterman said his digital team had found that Bluesky was the “harshest” social media platform. “The difference is, the right would say rough things and some names I won’t repeat on TV,” he said, “but on the left, it was like they want me to die or that ‘we’re cheering for your next stroke.’”
He added that left-wing figures also share messages wishing he would die. “That’s much different from just calling me a name,” he said. “That’s really been consistent in that community online.”
The funniest thing that could happen is that this flips him again and he somehow goes full communist, and so anti-Zionist he calls for a congressional declaration of war against Israel.
yes, but realistically he’ll come back only being able to say “bomb gaza” (like dexter in the omelette du fromage episode) and this propels him to the presidency.
yeah, by the time he actually becomes president, he is afraid of clocks and absolutely refuses to draw any
You gave me a posting idea - https://hexbear.net/post/6732342
He won’t even be able to say it, he’ll just be in an automated chair with a light on it to answer questions like Captain Pike. Rather than yes/no, the light will only indicate “bomb gaza” and the chair will have a giant AIPAC log on both sides.
Oddly enough the stroke turning him zionist is not a unique phenomenon. A friend who works at a local hospital reports the same thing happened to their department head. Used to be a well-liked extremely empathetic lady, had a stroke, boom turbo-zionist right as the Gaza genocide started kicking off in earnest. Not saying all zionism is due to brain damage but it certainly seems to help!
Only
was too powerful, it only turned him into an amateur poet
My friend’s dad had a stroke a while ago. He went from a kind, if weird old man to a total asshole who refuses to stop crashing his SUV into parked cars.
he’s got the fred flintstone bonk-on-the-head syndrome
Bit idea: Fetterman keeps having a stroke every few years, becoming an absurd caricature of a different political ideology each time. Basically Jreg with ischemic characteristics.