I know it’s a at best a useless mindset, as nothing will make me somehow magically get a new chance at those years. But it’s still a strong feeling and it’s still there.
I’m doing my best to push through it, I’m out there talking to people, but there’s usually a point where we are sharing personal anecdotes and I just feel my stomach tightening, as I barely have any of those. I have no experiences which means I have no identity which means I am uninteresting.
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Holy shit, this post is gold. I need to internalise this, I need to internalise this, I need to internalise this, I need to internalise this…
To add something a bit more constructive: I always feel deeply sad about the stories where “they never learned,” probably because it’s so relatable. What a tragedy to go so long and never figure it out. I want to learn, I want to change, I want to be better.
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Kinda reminds me of this one:
Area Man Always Nostalgic For Four Years Ago
I have this idea that people are like shooting stars: fleeting and short-lived in the grand scheme of things, but they can be meaningful for the people lucky enough to catch them. I want to a bright-shining shooting star that gives people hope and lifts their spirits by being a positive role model. I feel like I have so much potential for that if I could work myself out.
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Oh, absolutely. People are never “complete”, and nobody’s perfect. The “clean your own room first” notion is often a mere excuse to ignore your criticisms.
What I meant with it is that I feel like I have so much potential within me, but things like a fragile self-esteem and various insecurities prevent it from coming to full fruition. With more life experience, mental balance and some support from others, I could reach full self-actualisation and focus more on helping/inspiring others and taking initiative, rather than just getting by. I see things slowly changing, I have a lot of hope for myself as long as there’s change.