I’m also in my early 40’s. I’d love to just go full-time, but my work situation isn’t giving me the option (yet). Hopefully I can do that soon, but the place where I live is less likely to be welcoming. I also have the safety of my spouse to consider, and I place them above anything else. That’s why I waited so long to even come out in the first place. It’s a tough and lonely situation, sometimes.
I appreciate the well-thought-out and detailed response. It reads like the manual of things I went through learning bit by bit over the 11 years I spent repressed. I’ve been through most of it at this point. The hair’s getting there and my very affirming salon appointment is in a few weeks. My makeup skills aren’t amazing, but I can handle everything but contouring and eyeshadow now. My voice therapist actually discharged me after 3 months because she said I’d exceeded her skillset. I’m not happy with where I am but I pass vocally. I have a decent wardrobe for casual situations that’s strongly femme-presenting and I like my jewelry. I am excellent with manicures. My spouse has commented on how good my nails look, especially since I chewed them raw for 30 years.
All of that to say that I’m comfortable with everything except my face. I’m partway into laser removal, but I am still very blocky and have the worst caveman browline. The widows peak isn’t helping. But my biggest concern is mostly safety. I’m in a rural area full of literal card-carrying MAGA nuts who roll coal. I was already the odd one out with only electric cars in the garage and moving to native plants instead of a lawn, but if I go out as myself I would be putting my spouse in danger. It’s ironically easier to do when I’m further afield from home.
I guess the things I’m really worried about are being myself and finding ways to do that in spaces where I’m not really safe.
Super sick most of the week, and the US healthcare system is awful. “We don’t test for flu because the CDC said the season is over; here’s a list of homeopathic remedies to try” is the last thing you want to hear from urgent care.
I did manage to ride my bike in a charity ride this weekend! My first metric century was a lot of fun. I hope to do more!
My uh, friend, would like to see the “Steal this look” infographic. Please. Please!
You aren’t alone!
Your choice is completely valid and yours to make. I just don’t want people to think it’s either/or in the full and opposite direction. There are options for things like zero-depth or even nullification that don’t require dilation or very much recovery time.
Some girls just have a penis I guess
And some have a vulva without anything under it, or nothing at all!
Not that I know what exactly I want to be and express it. But I can explore things now together with my partner and friend. But I’m also really scared and feel guilty for taking up space. Some times I just want to go back, but sometimes I’m also happy it’s out.
I’m happy to hear about more people being comfortable being themselves. You NEVER, EVER have to apologize for “taking up space”. You have the right to exist as yourself, whoever that may be. Your space belongs to YOU. Exist in it! Thrive in it! Explore it!
I have gone through the exact same experience with my own family (devout Methodist on one side, and Portuguese Catholic on the other), and at my brother’s bachelor party. I knew a long time ago that I was trans, and I was his “best man” at this wedding almost 8 years ago. It was very much an unpleasant experience to me. Everyone else thought it was totally normal to them. It is absolutely self-reinforcing to live that experience, and I’m glad we drew the same conclusions from it. It validates my own views of life. Hang in there, sister. Life gets so much better from here.
Yay laser! It works wonders! Just don’t expect them to be immediately visible. And please wear sunscreen and stay out of the sun!
I am sorry things aren’t going well for your recovery. Hang in there!
I’ll summarize by saying it was transmisogyny from a cis lesbian that I have known a very long time. I have no intention of dragging anyone out in public. I will get over it, and spend some time trying to teach her, if I can.
I am looking forward to working with and being part of a community. This one is strong and has good roots! I went to her to learn about the perils of name and gender marker changes but had a very long discussion about all kinds of life experiences.
Trans sister here. This is awful. I absolutely stand behind my trans brothers and things like this bring us ALL down.
P.S. I didn’t find anything in the community details. If you’d rather not have me in here (the line about needing a transmasc community of your own is not lost on me) I’ll delete my replies and be on my way, no hard feelings.
(Almost) Everyone has one, and anyone can definitely be one.
I found my local community! Even better I found a trans elder (I use this term in an endearing, “came before me and knows what she’s doing” manner) who is fighting for our social justice. She’s quite a stand-up person! After a few more online meetings, I’m looking forward to an in-person group meetup and joining in the fight.
On the flip-side, I had a very unpleasant encounter with a “friend” saying some very transmisogynist things to me this weekend like she was just stating facts. Not everyone is an ally, even within the LGBTQ+ community.
Yeah Wednesday sisters!
Girl, get some tights. My quadzilla gravel cyclist legs look like thick thighs saving lives in a pair of yoga pants. Get the ones with the v cross at the abdomen and look like a lower body goddess. Top it off with a nice longline sports bra or a crop top and throw a camp wrap or something over your shoulders. Own that body you built and make it look good for you!
A bittersweet struggle this week. I am mentally where I need to be. Voice training was fantastic, and I started laser hair removal. I have a few outfits together! My body, however, is so far behind the rest of me that it causes frustration waiting for it to catch up. I also can’t start consultations for surgery until the 6 month mark because of insurance requirements. Such an archaic principle for someone who has had an absurdly long time to consider the consequence and determined it’s worth it. Especially since the therapist agrees with my conclusions! Now it’s just a waiting game while I try to figure out who to trust in person with my real identity.
I don’t know if I have a problem seeing myself. My problem is that who I see is ever so slightly different over time. I also know that the self-image I have is incongruent with many things. Gender. Age. Some basic physical features, like hair and eye color. It’s not just the visual, either. There’s a gap between how I carry myself today vs. how I feel I should be physically moving. How I sound is wrong. My scent isn’t correct, either. So while I don’t need to force myself to mentally conjure my self-image, it’s a struggle to keep it nailed down to a single me sometimes.
Negative; I am the willow tree you sit beneath for shade and comfort. I have always been here, and I will always be here. This is an enchanted forest, after all. What is a forest without it’s trees?
Thank you for giving me the courage to go be myself. I am sitting in a cafe in a nearby city sipping coffee with my bracelets and earrings, and a transgender pride flag shirt on. It’s frightening! It’s also liberating.