I almost don’t feel like the same person I was just 5 years ago. Granted, this is my first 5 years of working full-time, outside of schooling, so I’m no longer actively studying and practicing my mathematical skills.
But beyond that, I just feel like I don’t have free will? My health is degrading because I have unhealthy eating habits, and I really want to stop, and I don’t even really enjoy eating unhealthy food anymore, but I think I might actually be chemically dependent on the refined sugar, carbs, and fat. I work 10 hour days and then I’m too exhausted to eat healthy. If I meal prep healthy food, I sometimes just waste it because I’d rather order a couple burgers. I used to be vegan, and I still think vegans are basically correct, but I no longer have self-discipline.
It feels impossible to fix this shit. Reading what I’ve laid out, I think, “what you need is therapy”. And yeah, maybe, but I’ve had like 7 different therapists and somehow I feel like it usually just becomes a space for me to go and be all introspective and sharing everything about myself to this quiet professional who isn’t really leading the conversation, isn’t contributing much, isn’t giving me an idea of what therapy is supposed to be. There’s just long awkward silences while I think of things to say? And I’m paying $90/hour? So far the only utility to me has been a place to vent. But now I’m doing that here instead because it’s free.
Thank you for answering. I guess the main difference is perhaps the rational behind it; seems mainly environmental for you; you even mention the survival of our species. While I appreciate greatly the impact veganism has on my carbon footprint, it has never been the trigger for it. It’s the animals.
For example the term “animal welfare”, like we should take better care of them while exploiting them, but all animal exploitation (outside of, perhaps, survival contexts) is wrong, period. It’s not about larger cages or better conditions for animals - it’s about them not being used by humans at all. And it goes beyond food, which your comment goes in depth about; it’s no leather, no cosmetics tested on animals (even if they don’t include animal products themselves), etc.
Also I’m sorry if that part of my comment read as aggressive; I was genuinely curious. But also please think of the animals - watch Dominion maybe (except I tend to agree with other commenters what you described sounds like depression or burnout, so maybe not the best time); not exploiting them and trying to convince other people of doing the same is literally being the voice of the voiceless. They cannot speak. They are objects to the vast majority of people. Yet despite all the carnist normalization and propaganda they are sentient beings - capable of feeling, loving, enjoying life, and they’re being tortured in ways worse than most people realize (or want to know, really). And every time one buys leather, or flesh, it means participating in this.