Hello! I just wanted to rant to the void of the internet so here is the wall of text.

For a while, I had thought myself as a femboy/feminine man. Initially, i thought while looking at other men, that my conception of being a man was just different, albeit substanitally from the norm.

Fair enough I thought, I can do what I want. Wear skirts, thigh highs, make up, dresses, all of that shit. That, for a time made me happy. I finally believed that I could be thought of as pretty, not as some blank blob. Feminity brought me a comfort in my skin and oneness with my body I didn’t think possible. It was a comfort that masculinity never bothered to give me.

Since my egg cracked, as I look into a mirror for too long, or look at a picture of myself, the physical realities of being a man become overwhelming. There is no skirt, no dress, no makeup that can hide this reality anymore.

It is as if throughout my life, I have purposefully turned a blind eye to it. Every time I saw the man looking at me through the mirror I moved on before it hurt any further. The truth is I hate the idea of being a man. The social aspect, the mental and undoubtly the physical. I wish it weren’t so.

I hope this HRT shit works for me. I hope when all is said and done I actually feel better about it all.

Anyway, time for me to sleep. If you’ve read through all this, thanks

🐳

  • Amy@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    5·
    2 days ago

    Yay, another trans girl got her… wings? idk.

    HRT is awesome and it will feminize the bejeezus out of you. Probably.

  • fleurc@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    5·
    3 days ago

    I will tell you this. For the dysphoria to go away there only one remedy, HRT will help, you can get sex change surgery and it will help. But the only cure for dysphoria is you accepting you are what you are.

    You are a woman, that’s it. You are not a woman in the body of a man, you are not a Trans Woman, you are simply first and foremost a woman.

    You will suffer like a woman, you will be judged as a woman, you will have menstrual cycles, you will have make up, you will be catcalled and called names, you are a woman.

    If you never accept that, dysphoria will eat you alive. That’s simply the truth.

  • ShyFae@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    5·
    3 days ago

    I can relate to this, I cracked last year but I’m having a heard time admitting it to myself.

    I’ve heard and seen wonderful things from other women that are undertaking HRT and taken other gender affirming action.

    It may take some time to become friendly with the mirror, but that wont stop you. It will take a lot of time and effort, but it’s totally worth it. One day you may be surprised by the lady that suddenly appeared, but really she was always there.

  • captainlezbian@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    A lot of us thought similar once. Welcome sister. HRT may or may not get you exactly where you want to be, but it’ll get you closer.

    I’ll say this, I do take selfies now. I spend time in front of the mirror now. And nearly 11 years into HRT it’s a weird thing about my past that I used to hate being photographed so much.

  • isleepinahammock@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    1·
    2 days ago

    Unfortunately, being a femboy is a temporary state, as being a boy is a temporary state. You cannot stay a femboy forever. Eventually you become a woman or become a man.