I want to tell everyone about my love for atlassian products and jira align and confluence ooohh ohhohooh i love them so much im an enthusiast i love making burndown charts ohohoohoh im so FUCKING ALIGNED RIGHT NOW oooh give me my quarterly sprint reports i neeeeeeeed to know how many tickets im carrying over 
WOW omg CONFLUENCE you really wis my wig IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN
ohoohohohoohohoo sprint ceremony to the grave baaabbyyyyeeeeeeeee OHOOHOHOHOHOHO
one time I went to an afternoon work training/presentation organized by PMs where we watched a video called “measuring what matters” which was the most unbelievably vapid business shit you’ve ever heard of in your life. At the end a PM was like “and we will send you a summary email including a link to this video if you want to watch it again!” and I looked him right in the eye from the audience and shook my head; his face actually fell
I enjoy annoying PMs since all bar one have just been useless bean counters. I have largely been able to do my job just fine without them
A good PM serves to deflect blame and criticism from the team actually doing the work. A great one is one who knows this and only this is their role, and play accordingly.
I have worked with exactly one maybe two pms like this I miss them dearly. The rest have just aimed to make my life much worse
have you measured this pig’s gigantic balls perhaps?