I know it’s nobody’s fault but my own that I’m disgusting trash. I know it’s unreasonable and unrealistic to expect anyone to like me. I don’t know what is so wrong with me. I understand I’m ugly, poor, stupid, annoying, and so on. My physical attributes are underwhelming at best.

People simply do not see me in a romantic way. I do my best to avoid being a creep. I know sometimes just being looked at by someone like me is offensive. I try to never say anything that would ever make anyone uncomfortable. I read online about how to act or not act so people like you. I greet everyone by name, I ask how they are, I’m compassionate and empathetic. I’m not a man although I’m supposed to be. I wish I could take hormones and actually be a man, but they say my testosterone is fine. I’m not tough and my beard grows sporadically.

I can’t change the things that are wrong. I’m overweight but only slightly, and I only looked worse when I went lower. I’ll never get taller and I’ll always be “short” at 5’9". Fundamentally my personality is flawed. I mean, besides being ugly I’m also an extremely mediocre person. My hobbies and interests are all cringe embarrassments. Things are worse if I like them. Everything I do is wrong. I’ve never made the right decisions and I’m not successful.

Everyone else is more important than me. Everyone else matters. They deserve compassion and understanding but I do not. I hate everything about myself and have for a long time. I hate myself in the past and the future. I never suffer enough. I’m never miserable enough. I should have just done better. I remember my first mistakes began in kindergarten and only ever snowballed from there.

I try not to have unrealistic expectations. I don’t expect anyone who isn’t also flawed to like me. I’m not trying to date models. I just want to be okay existing and be accepted by regular normal people. Everyone is always dating or having intimate relations. All the worlds an orgy, but I’m not invited.

I guess all of that to say, I accept that I am an ugly loser, I accept I’m not good enough, but how do I cope with that? What’s the point of life when I’ll be excluded from so much of it?

And please, I know I should just be different, but I’m not. I wish my parents had killed me at birth. I don’t understand why they didn’t. If I could be a different person I would. If I could inhabit another body, I would. So telling me to just stop being so horrible, when every day I try my hardest not to be, won’t help. I’m already as nice, forgiving, understanding, as I can figure out how to be. I try to carefully answer. I try to say the right thing, the most helpful and ideologically correct statement.

Also no this is not AI, I’m just a psycho. This comic caused me legitimate psychological damage.

I am fully prepared to die during the revolution. I would die today if it would help advance our cause.

  • StinkySocialist@lemmy.mlEnglish
    29·
    26 days ago

    I’m not a man although I’m supposed to be. I wish I could take hormones and actually be a man, but they say my testosterone is fine. I’m not tough and my beard grows sporadically.

    If you have access to health care maybe some testosterone or gender affirming care would help but quite honestly dude nothing wrong with you here. A lot of people like femme men 🤷. You don’t have to be the most popular kind of person to be someone’s favorite. There are like 8 billion people a few are bound to be into what you got going on.

    **I can’t change the things that are wrong. **

    1. You can change its just difficult and slow

    2. Nothing is wrong with you. The system we live in just doesn’t work for some people. A great big chunk of them. It’s designed to keep your crushed and kill your self esteem. I’m sorry it’s been so effective for you. 🫂

    **Fundamentally my personality is flawed. **

    If you listen to nothing else I say please take this to heart. I’ve seen so many people that get themselves stuck on a negative headspace by repeating vague unprovable or disprovable things about themselves to themselves. You say your personality is flawed. What does that even mean? How do you quantify it? If it was true or not how would you measure it? Please try to think on more tangible concrete terms. Even if something negative is true thinking about it this way will help reveal how to fix it. Instead of “my personality is flawed” maybe it’s “I can’t hold someone’s interest in a conversation, or I can’t control my impulses and annoy people.” Those are both more concrete things that you can measure and improve on.

    My hobbies and interests are all cringe embarrassments.

    Bro everyone has embarrassing hobbies, do other people have those hobbies? (They do) Those people will make good friends. You just gotta find em.

    **Everything I do is wrong. I’ve never made the right decisions and I’m not successful. **

    This is another example of vague unhelpful thinking that gets you stuck in a negative loop. Cut it out. Be specific about what you don’t like. To the point you could measure it and think about how you could improve even the littlest bit.

    **Everyone else is more important than me. Everyone else matters. They deserve compassion and understanding but I do not. **

    According to who? Whose opinion of you matters so much to you?

    I’m sure billionaire love that you and so many others feel this way. Makes you easier to exploit.

    I try not to have unrealistic expectations… All the worlds an orgy, but I’m not invited.

    Seems like you do have unrealistic expectations. People aren’t having nearly as much sex as you seem to think they do.

    If you’re looking for sex and more direct communication go to your local bdsm club. They’re full of autistic and ADHD peeps who say exactly what they mean. You can get some action and make some friends.

    **What’s the point of life when I’ll be excluded from so much of it? **

    Dude have you ever had cheese steak sub? Life’s pleasure are varied and unending. Having a good time is the point. Enjoy your life😀

    I am fully prepared to die during the revolution. I would die today if it would help advance our cause.

    No one is asking you to die. You’d just be making us leftists even more of a minority. If you really want to do something for others then Live and push to the left whenever you can.

    • Le_Wokisme [they/them, undecided]@hexbear.netEnglish
      21·
      26 days ago

      If you’re looking for sex and more direct communication go to your local bdsm club. They’re full of autistic and ADHD peeps who say exactly what they mean. You can get some action and make some friends.

      i don’t think telling single straight men to go to a munch is conducive to the continuing existence of munches.

      • StinkySocialist@lemmy.mlEnglish
        15·
        26 days ago

        I think you over estimate how many would actually go. So many single straight men are too sexually insecure to go to something like that at least in my experience but idk🤷

        I’ve been suggesting this same thing to single men my entire life. I’ve only gotten one other guy to try it out. Last I talked to him about it he was interviewed on Howard Stern while being pegged.

        Hell, people suggested it to me for years (in some online kink communities) before a couple I knew took me to a dungeon with em. Great experience wish I would have gone sooner.