It shouldn’t surprise you that this thinking / feeling dichotomy is a result of traumatic upbringing. If this isn’t clear to you, let me know, I’ll be happy to break it down for you. Your second point bears out a notion of strong focus in regards of your symptoms (physical and psychological)and is a bit worrying to me. Assuming no underlying medical conditions present, this way of obsessing could lead to somatization disorder. Obviously I do hope you’re well looked after medically, but please note you’re not thinking your way out of this. Of course self awareness is worth a lot but in the extreme it seems to me just another coping mechanism: a tactic I alluded to in my first point above. I’m not saying to ignore your physical experiences nor that you should keep it to yourself and I hope this has been discussed in therapy. Hopefully this makes a bit sense to you or let me know if it doesn’t.

My guess is that the thinking part is still blocking the actual processing of the emotions. Reminds me of when you’re trying hard to remember something and it doesn’t come until you stop occupying your mind with that question. You’re on the right path. Your counseler might want to give you more time to sit with these emotions. This is where people talk about acceptance and integration. See them as a part of you, like your heartbeat or the view of the tip of your nose (provided your face has the topology that allows for this). There is no fast way to do this and unfortunately you’re to reprogram your mind after it has been trained by years of adverse life experiences.

This is a massive topic and it helps to have someone to talk to. A professional would be most beneficial but I’m aware not everyone has that luxury. Alexithymia is better understood as emotional colour blindness, that is because absolut blindness implies one does not register emotions, rather it’s a question of fully processing them - which is impaired because one would not be able to label them properly to begin with. I like this analogy: Someone growing up with a language that describes colours in restricted terms such as bright and dark might struggle differentiating colours yet still sees them. Someone with alexithymia might be as restricted in their emotional awareness: feeling good and bad. Even good emotions might feel overwhelming such that we would not be able to tell them apart from bad. (I use good and bad to keep it simple, but know that these labels aren’t really justified). This is because someone living in conditions that give rise to CPTSD has learned to survive a life by disregarding their own internal state. This learned behaviour has to be undone. One has to trust that aside from the logical part of one’s mind there’s a vast ocean of information that is encoded in one’s emotional state. Professionals usually let patients map it to the body: what goes through you when you experienced that event and where in your body does that make itself aware. There’s a lot of good information out there to learn more. Last point: the fact that you are aware of this condition / behaviour alone is highly beneficial and conducive to further improvements. Best of luck.

Of all the things wrong with this, what sticks out to me how he seemed to be offended when you put down your boundaries. I feel sorry for your sister and i would share this with her. If he behaves like this with his own family, it doesn’t bode well outside of it. Yeah, perhaps replying wasn’t the best idea but i cannot put myself in your position vis-a-vis your state of mind at the time but it doesn’t take away the lack of appropriateness of his comments.

German, as well as other germanic languages aside from English actually use verb second structure. True, that the main part sits at the end if there is an auxiliary verb. Example word for word translation would be: Tomorrow go I to school. Or Yesterday have I cake eaten. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/V2_word_order

I find this monologue amazing as it reveals so much about someone with narcissistic personality only that the character has more self awareness than the typical narcissist.

I’d have some ideas but I wouldn’t spoil other attempts. Also I just quickly typed it out, spelling and grammar be damned.

Gustavo was stuck and he tried to push past his anxiety arising from the lack of direction on what actions to take. Realising the incompatible between his competance and the challenge before him would make him chuckle, were it not for being in such danger. As he focused he became aware of a buzzing sensation. He and the beast locked eye contact. The buzz became overwhelming, electrifying, and he only could give in to it. He sensed some pattern emerging, as if his ears would pick out a sound, not unlike seeing ships or elephants in clouds. As if he was spoken to from within a dream he was sure he could hear the monster say “help us help us help us” to him. Not saying, but screaming. Each iteration more clear and more panic inducing. Abruptly the buzzing stopped and the troll turned around, running down the hall away from him.

What happens if you replace the last break in main() with exit()?

Hard to say, but if the 5V natively to the machine is shot, I’d expect the unit to not work as its systems would depend on it. I assume you measured 5V in reference to the machines GND. Double check your meter against a known good 5V supply (your adapter).

If they both are power supplied, and have ground connected then what would you need the 5V connection for? Some devices that externally supply power can come with a protection diode to prevent looping power back to prevent the scenario you described but looks like that’s not needed. You would have to know the protocol used such as baudrate, bitlength, stopbits and parity. If you don’t have that info try common baudrates (115200), 8 bits, 1 stop, no parity.

There’s a lot to unpack there, and I don’t want to appear qualified to help you over this medium. In therapy you could get to the bottom of this, but it takes a lot of work and time. Please have a look into Dialectical behavior therapy, as this seems applicable for the picture you painted about your experience.

Have you thought about why you do this? What prompts you to seek help? If you want to cease this behaviour, do you know why? Is it because it doesn’t feel right, as in it’s not “you”, or is it because of the consequences? What worries you, should you live more authentic and truthful, about your social interactions and relationships? Envisioning that folks in most cases react very well if one takes their mendacious mask of, how do you feel about that? Change is hard and those are some questions I just came up with that should prompt you to contemplate in order to understand the root of these behaviours. No need to answer them here.

Don’t remember the movie or show but on aired in Korea I saw they would blur out parts such as cigarettes as well as arm pits (male actor) and a chef’s knife (prop was being held with the actors intention to defend herself).

Freshly cut Ytong blocks. Ink of ballpoint pens.

One day he was going on about Kiki, how she does things in a certain way and I kept him going by say how interesting it was. He then turned to me and asked “You know that Kiki isn’t real, right, I made her up?”. He doesn’t like lying or being lied to, so within that frame I guess he wanted me to confirm that it was just play.

Our child has one. Her name is Kiki and she lives on a farm where she drives her tractors in a village called Plamplams. She speaks also an imaginary language. It seems like she represents experience he lives through vicariously expressing some image he has on how he fits in this world. We as his parents have always encouraged him; it is wonderful how he develops such creative images.

From your writing it seems you have a lot of insight and are very self aware. Use this as your strength. Not sure how you’re faring in regards to alexithymia but this tends to be a blindspot for folks with trauma and autism spectrum condition. Matching your needs with your internal states (vis a vis your emotions) will go a long way to manage your life so it’s worth living. Don’t get hung up on labels too much but they are useful as a shortcut to learn from others and their similar experiences.

Couldn’t figure it out but perhaps that’s why i felt it’s off. Mightn’t be incorrect per se like someone else points out but not something I’d chose to caption something.

Might be a good idea to revisit and update for better grammar. Staerke sounds like strengthen rather than strong, (verb vs adj) which, if this is the case, sounds wonky. More natural would be Deutschland staerken, or starkes Deutschland. There’s a few other bits that sound unnatural also.