I know this is very out of vogue at the moment, but I think one of the first clues I should have picked up on was when I was reading Harry Potter and got to the polyjuice potion, and immediately wondered what it would be like to use it to change into a woman and have sex as a woman. I didn’t even really realize I was bi at the time but I rationalized it in my little christian brain that I would be married to a woman, we would take the potion to turn into each other, and in that way it would still be 100% good christian marital sex. got a lot of mileage out of that little loophole.
Didn’t get any actual cracks in the egg until several years after marriage, after my partner came out as non-binary, and I began seriously questioning my own gender. Then, a lot of daydreams and speculations I had started to make a lot more sense.
I have two big hurdles. One is that I often don’t have a comfortable place to write. My desk is always messy, I don’t like writing in bed, etc. This one can be resolved with a little planning, it’s annoying but doable and having a place to write really helps with the second and more difficult hurdle:
The second hurdle is that I almost never actually want to write when it actually comes down to doing the actual writing. I’ll clear my desk, set reminders on my phone, buy nice notebooks and pens, have good intentions and then I’ll wake up in the morning, or get home in the evening, and I’ll have to choose between writing and not writing. As of this post, not writing has won most of the contests. The thing that has worked best for me, even though I am far from consistent, is recognizing that I don’t want to write, acknowledging the fact, and then making myself write anyway. Even if all I scribble down is “I don’t want to write, I have nothing to say, I don’t want to do this right now, this is stupid and sucks and why am I writing this drivel in a 35 goddamn dollar notebook” it still counts, and it builds the writing muscle.