First, I am a pan-sexual woman with severe ADHD and a sprinkling of BPD. If I have a meltdown or an episode, I am VERY sorry. Let me take 5, and I can apologize and be a reasonable human being again. None of this is an excuse, but it at least explains it. I assure you, I will be tearing myself apart with guilt and embarrassment for far longer than is healthy. I would be eternally grateful if you could have a little patience and not pour fuel on the fire. I would never wish any of these disorders on anyone. I will do my best.
Who am I? That is always a difficult question to answer as self introspection can be a rather painful and difficult exercise. I don’t believe we are always the same. We all change, but we do like to make the same choices over and over. If I had to sum myself up, I am a force of nature who cares too much.
Thankfully I suck at that, but holy crap it is prevelent in this industry. The alcohol abuse is cray. Doesn’t help when you travel constantly. I don’t travel much anymore, but the people who spend 90+% of the year in the field, while having a family, are fundamentally broken. Fun to party once in a while, but when they do this shit multiple times a week, I don’t understand.
Does Lua rank far below python for you? I have so much rage against it. At least with Python I don’t have to do a bunch of steps to just get it to do something. May take me a while to get through bad Python code, but Lua makes my eyes bleed and I begin to regret my life choices in trying to understand wtf these people wrote.
laughs in PLC
Not sure it is like this everywhere, but in my state it costs nothing to change your surname when getting married. Updating your social security card in this instance is also free. This is proof enough to vote. You do have to pay a small fee to change your name on your driver’s license/State id and pay around $130 for a passport.
My understanding though (US) is the DEA limits the raw ingredient supply with no regard to the demand by patients. The drug manufacturers get what they get whenever the DEA decides they are allowed to have it.
It sucks having the government decide whether I get my medication each month. It sucks having to submit to drug tests to prove I am taking my meds and not hoarding/selling them. I have a giant stack of paperwork from formal testing I had, which I had to pay for out of pocket because insurance doesn’t cover it. It was something like 600-800 dollars. That is enough dammit. I shouldn’t have to live in fear that my medication will be taken away or refilled late because I can’t even request my refill until the last minute.
My nails are too thin to get long enough to bite consistently, but I would wrap my hand around my wrist and squeeze when anxious. I would have finger bruises on my wrists. Nail polish I just sit there and peel off. Fake nails will be ripped off in 2-3 days, no matter how much it damages my nails, and I also play(ed) string instruments. I still squeeze my wrists sometimes, but I have to be really really stressed out.
As someone on Adderall instead, is it really like that? There is one generic manufacturer, Activis, that I refuse to accept from the pharmacy as I feel like I am tweaking out the entire day and falling apart. Only time I ever refused to finish the bottle and begged the pharmacy to replace it, which they were unable to do.
The worst is Discord. It doesn’t show up in search engines and somehow you have to know that is where you are “supposed” to go for help. Privacy issues aside, I am fine with discord for playing games with friends or big conventions/LAN parties, but I don’t understand why anyone would use it as a forum.
I tried to make them work, but having pill bottles in one place and then the organizer separate just made it too stressful. I am not home every day, so having one little bag with it all just helps. The organizer got a little beat up in my backpack. I do have a little metal keychain pill holder that I put 2-3 days of pills in sometimes.
I also have a couple meds that are “as needed” or for emergencies. The big one is needing to keep an eye on the date and exact counts of how much Adderall is left. I just went through the unfortunate experience of not having meds for 3-4 days and I was a mess. It wasn’t even my fault…
I will check that out! I have been using Obsidian for a while, with some plugins and minor tweaks to make the interface as plain text as possible, but it isn’t always a good “scratch pad”. I love markdown, but I do miss Notepad++ while on my Mac.
Notepad++. You don’t even have to “save” the file! When I used Windows that is pretty much a requirement and it makes an excellent scratch pad.
Open; iiii>!!<e
I most definitely went and purchased one… maybe 2. I like the neurospicy one too.
I have all of my medicine bottles in a bright red makeup bag. I would be hopeless otherwise. Makeup bags are nice because they are very wide and deep. The growing pile of pill bottles fit nicely. I am talking about the more boxy shaped ones without anything inside them. Mine is around 8cm wide, 13cm high, and 20cm long. Really rough measurements.
However, you can export your subscriptions/blocks through your profile and import them to your new instance. No, you can’t take your entire “identity” with you, but is that really so bad?
Thanks. I am huge proponent that we can actually change things about ourselves. Without going on a very long ted talk, my thoughts mostly revolve around admitting to yourself and taking ownership that you did or thought something wrong. Don’t excuse it. The rest is repetition and letting your inner changes evolve into calling shitty behavior out.
One thing I started doing the last decade was to really focus more on bodily autonomy in casual situations, despite my southern upbringing. I never really forced myself on anyone and I hyper focus on other people’s emotions as it is, so, I know when to back off or be docile. However, I didn’t really think about it consciously. I needed to be better.
Two stories.
I remember some older lady just touching my hair to show it to someone else in the office and how utterly uncomfortable it made me. I had already thought a lot about how awful POC have it and I could never imagine touching a strangers hair without asking. For a moment, I got a taste of that discomfort and it really pushed me to be less complacent.
The worst thing I did was just yank a gray hair out of my best friend’s head. She did not like it. To this day I am utterly horrified I did it and still apologize. I don’t even care about gray hair! I can’t believe I let a stupid beauty trope I grew up with just come out of nowhere. I have no idea what possessed me.
No more generations that force kids to be hugged when they do not want to. I do not hug or touch people without asking first, even if I know them fairly well. I have a few friends that usually force themselves to accept hugs, even when they don’t want to be touched. I make sure kids know that they do not have to put up with it and they can say no as much as anybody else. It is such a simple concept to follow.
That is a kind of shitty response from World and seems a little condescending to me, but tone is difficult. You are welcome here and I would rather you stay and interact with the rest of us than leave the fediverse. Your voice matters and I didn’t have the same outlets when I was your age.
When I was formally tested, I gave a similar analogy to the psychiatrist/ADHD specialist. He immediately told me he was stealing it as it was a really great way to explain it to others. It really does kind of explain the whole executive dysfunction part to others.
I get really frustrated trying to do math, “in my head”. I didn’t realize for a long time that the way I was trying to do it isn’t what everyone does. I can only do math on paper, so I am literally drawing on imaginary paper in the air while desperately trying to keep track of things to only have it slip away like sand and then starting over. I still do subtraction/addition like I was taught in elementary where you cross out the number and write the remainder or whatever above it.
Trying to do that on imaginary paper and keep track of the slashes and tiny numbers is torture. Especially when the damn paper keeps moving, colors fading out, and I can’t just make the number appear. No. I have to mentally draw the strokes of each digit like I am using a pencil. Oh, and my handwriting sucks, so I write numbers really slow. Have I randomly mentioned I fucking hate white boards? Now I have. I have nothing to leverage my hand or arm on.
Basically, trying to keep all of the noise out my head or at least on a similar task is really hard at times. It is like being in a crowded restaurant and each sound gets the same amount of attention. Every step, clink, swish, creak, conversation, air movement, cars outside, all gets an equal amount of attention. Imagine a flat equalizer in a sense.Your brain is supposed to be able to filter that shit out so you can talk to the person in front of you. We don’t get that luxury. Medication is a damn miracle. It isn’t perfect, but having even a fraction of peace in my head is enough.
Same. Now, it is complete shit on Windows, though supposedly it is better on W11, and that is a no go. However, on Mac, it is a dream. On Linux it is a dream. Pgadmin, postgres, mqtt, redis, all the arrs, qbittorrent, jellyfin, and whatever else I want to try and throw away if I don’t like it.