Ohh you touch my tra la la…

If you’re not running directly up to your wife and aggressively shoving your phone screen in her face while expectantly making eye contact, are you truly living?

Scientist: “We’ve achieved several seconds of a controlled fusion reaction with a very modest net energy gain, which will help us to fine-tune future reactor designs.

News: WORLD’S ENERGY PROBLEMS SOLVED FOREVER

“Which is why we are doing our level best to ensure that there are no future generations.”

• World Leaders, probably

Still feeling this at 55.

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Paucity of waifu

Mister Peen?

The body of Chrysler.

The first roundworm to see tape:

“Guys, I have an idea!”

Fart in comically obnoxious ways. Examples include the Doggy Leg Lift, the Goatse, the Modified Goatse, and one I simply call “The Hamburgler’s Revenge.”

Still kinda excited tho