MESSSAAAA!! :D :D The Spin is awesome, was just coming here to post The Dress (still might tbh) really enjoying the Model/Actriz album too.

my favorites released this year so far, in no particular order:

• Messa - The Spin

• Model/Actriz - Pirouette

• McKinley Dixon - Magic Alive!

• key vs. locket - i felt like a sketch

• Viagra Boys - viagr aboys

• Honningbarna - Soft Spot

• Aesop Rock - Black Hole Superette

• Los Thuthanaka - Los Thuthanaka

• Nuvolascura - How This All Ends

• Rival Consoles - Landscape from Memory

• Bleed - Bleed

other albums I’ve fallen in love with this year:

• Gallows Bound - Rotting Oak

• Holy Locust - Beneath the Turning Wheel

• Chelsea Wolfe - She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She

• Elder - Innate Passage

• James McMurtry - The Horses and the Hounds

Like you say, there’s lot of schools of thought around this. I think most everyone acknowledges that you have to have some level of organization in order for society to function. The question is, at what scale?

Some would say anarchy can exist alongside a state. Anarchy is how a community meets its needs when the state doesn’t, filling in the gaps between the broader pillars. The idea is that anarchy can “grow past” the state by outperforming larger institutions that don’t benefit from the same entrenchment in local community. I see this as a useful perspective to approach mutual aid from, for instance.

Others view the state and larger systems as an inherent threat to communities’ ability to organize themselves. As authoritarians seek greater power, they seek to undermine communities’ self-determination so power can be consolidated under the state. This is where historical tension between anarchists and state communists has arisen. People in this camp aren’t rejecting organization altogether, but view larger systems as having inherently corrupting incentives.

I tend toward the former personally, but know a lot of folks of the latter variety and see a lot of value in it too. I think it’ll always be a balancing act between local, community-driven structure and broader, country-scale structure.

I’m definitely with you in that diet culture does much more harm than good and the weight loss industry overcomplicates it in favor of wacky diets and subscriptions and such.

That being said, just because grifters overcomplicate something, doesn’t mean it’s actually not complicated - especially psychologically, which matters a lot when eating disorders, sensitivities, and difficulties acquiring and preparing quality food, all are in the mix. The psychological aspects are what “weight loss solutions” try to sidestep and I think it really sets people up for failure even if they see some short term loss early on.

Knowing about energy balance could be enough for some, but it’s also definitely reasonable for someone to have further challenges and seek outside help for it. A good nutritionist, trainer, or even therapist can be invaluable for someone struggling to lose weight and keep it off.

imo nobody who is struggling to lose weight needs to be told about energy balance. Everyone knows what a calorie is, and that there’s a daily amount at which they will either lose or gain weight. They probably know they’re above that amount, and need to bring it down to lose weight.

Unfortunately either a lot of good advice or a lot of bad advice can follow that. Nutrition and the psychological factors that influence people’s diets are more complicated and no answer is complete without getting into that too.

the best way to make it stick is to take it slowly. Become more aware of the food choices you make - a food log is helpful here - without necessarily looking to correct them first. Just note the times when you think about food, the times you’re able to eat healthy and smaller portions and the times when it’s harder. Then try and inject some alternatives, make healthier options available for yourself at home, and gradually move your food decisions toward more nutritious food and smaller portions of comfort food.

Even then, thinking in nutrition has moved on from eliminating “bad foods” to eating “good foods” first, and finding a level of moderation with less nutritious food that fits with your goals.

“Stop eating” diets and “fast weight loss” as a primary goal are very good ways to sabotage yourself in the long term. The psychological costs of very restrictive diets are real and lead to losing adherence down the road. Maybe it works for some but the more gradual choice-focused approach worked a lot better for me. Just do what you’re capable of day to day, always trying to push that needle a little further, and you might be surprised at how fast noticeable progress comes!

congrats on nearly 2 years, that’s a huge accomplishment!!

you’re right on, imo “iron wills” are not an ideal approach to addiction management and it seems way better to come to understand the default behavior first and implement alternatives so you can incrementally resist more when triggers happen. I’m not a smoker but I see this point made in research into food, gambling, and porn addiction and it makes sense - you’re setting yourself up to take control of the behavior which is a very empowering feeling even if it’s partial control in the short term.

It’s working out great! I’ve been openly polyamorous for a few years now. Romantically engaging with multiple people has allowed for the longest-running, most secure relationships I’ve ever had, with basically no downsides except the fuCKING work. It complicates the logistics (my shared calendar is a nightmare) as well as the emotions. (recognizing when I am jealous is a nightmare)

But the payoff is so worth it. We make the best use of the time we have together, because we have to. We communicate effectively, because we have to. Through many intersecting relationships with appropriate boundaries we’ve weaved a cohesive family unit, one that achieves a lot of mutual aid needs around housing, food, and mental health support among local queers. I’ve grown a lot as a person through having to communicate my insecurities, sort out my trauma, and think more clearly about the people in my life.

I think some people on the internet have heard of insane polycule drama at some point and declared it categorically unapproachable. But idk, we don’t write off monogamous relationships because a cousin’s friend’s marriage exploded. Polyamorous relationships run the same spectrum of great to dogshit, but with less rules that monogamous relationships demand, we have so much more flexibility to solve problems when they come up.

glad it worked out for y’all! It seems rare for a monogamous relationship to be successfully opened up, rather than it being the expectation from the outset. I can imagine it being a big challenge and test of your compatibility + ability to communicate. Was that your experience?

🎶 no I ain’t no crook, I ain’t no vandal, just pourin’ one out from a can of Campbell’s! 🎶

I think it’s really important to think of sexuality as a vast array of different activities, each of which you can separately consent to and define your own rules around. “Asexuality” as a label doesn’t mean being a completely nonsexual being, and it doesn’t have to be a permanent label either. I think of it as a kind of asterisk - something in here needs clarification, please ask! So things like not enjoying penetrative sex, enjoying close physicality more than intercourse, all that stuff can be asexuality if that’s a useful term for you to communicate your needs. But also like any label there’s shades to it and it never means exactly the same thing to two different people.

I’m disabled and while I definitely enjoy sex, being an active partner is often pretty difficult and oftentimes I’m too out of my body to enjoy it much anyway. And some of the time I’m gonna be best at meeting my own needs. But even in that case, I still enjoy intimacy, being perceived as sexy, etc. people that care enough to ask will be able to find ways to engage, people that don’t care enough to have a real conversation about it aren’t a good fit for me anyhow. It’s been very helpful!

in fact they come from the same Latin roots! “trans-” = “on the other side of”, “cis-” = “on the same side of.” Useful to know as some will use the word “transgender” and take offense to being labeled “cisgender” - if one word is valid, they both are.

I picked up a $10 cane at random last year and it helped me walk enough to realize there was a chronic issue at play. Definitely worth trying if it seems like something that might help, worst case you have a walking stick.

definitely seconding this - I used it the most when I was using Unreal Engine at work and was struggling to use their very incomplete artist/designer-focused documentation. I’d give it a problem I was having, it’d spit out some symbol that seems related, I’d search it in source to find out what it actually does and how to use it. Sometimes I’d get a hilariously convenient hallucinated answer like “oh yeah just call SolveMyProblem()!” but most of the time it’d give me a good place to start looking. it wouldn’t be necessary if UE had proper internal documentation, but I’m sure Epic would just get GPT to write it anyway.

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Like any term, highly dependent on context. The porn category / hentai connotation is pretty strong and I would feel really icky being called it out of the blue. But some friends of mine, mostly trans women, throw it around amongst ourselves and it can be amusing too. There is also the rare context, with a LOT of existing trust, where I do like the sexualized nature and view it as affirming. It’s not 100 percent appropriate or inappropriate in any context, but if you’re not sure probably don’t. Especially if you’re cis, pursuing someone, or on a public forum. It’s never a word ya need to use for someone.

“I love dogs! I’ve always loved dogs!” has to be one of the funniest movie lines I’ve heard. but for my money it was probably the bees choosing their space queen because they “respect royalty”

do actually recommend getting some friends and drinks to see this one, we laughed our asses off at space-twilight and had a good time

more complex yes, but more hands in the family unit and structure between the other two can be a really nice perk too. when conflict happens, you have someone else you love who knows your partner and relationship who can bridge the gap and give perspective.

not OP, but I’m in two minds about it. I don’t really care to step in on caitlyn’s behalf, she can kick rocks for all I care. and I don’t think the intent of the post was hateful, but whenever a trans person does something bad and newsworthy, deadnames start to come out and even if it’s directed at someone I actively despise it still sucks to read. revoking someone’s chosen name out of personal disgust is just something we deal with irl a lot. it’s a similar kind of ick as when a female politician does something reprehensible and the discourse gets flooded by a bunch of people crudely commenting on her appearance.

eta: with a very minor change this same exact point could be made without deadnaming her, so to me it’s uncomfortable and unnecessary.

only tangentially related, but I have observed some protest more to injections than other forms of medication due to what I can only conclude is the squick factor. it comes up more in conversations with cis folks about HRT, like people feeling that taking oral estradiol is OK but being a lot more resistant to injections. they’re functionally the same thing but needles are more associated with scarier clinical interventions or drugs and that’s what it ends up being compared to. just speculating but I wouldn’t be surprised if the same “needle = artificial/dangerous” association is made among the antivax crowd.