The song What might be the song for the meme, Particle Man, in case anyone was interested… courtesy of the Animaniacs and They Might Be Giants.

Used an Excel spreadsheet? You’re now a data analyst. Dabbled in Access? Congratulations, you’re now an experienced database administrator.

I feel personally attacked and simultaneously validated by your analysis.

Have you ever spent the night atop Cader Idris?

And if so, were the results madness or poetry?

I LAY on that rock where the storms have their dwelling,

The birthplace of phantoms, the home of the oloud;

Around it for ever deep music is swelling,

The voice of the mountain-wind, solemn and loud.

‘Twas a midnight of shadows all fitfully streaming,

Of wild waves and breezes, that mingled their moan;

Of dim shrouded stars, as from gulfs faintly gleaming;

And I met the dread gloom of its grandeur alone.

I lay there in silence–a spirit came o’er me;

Man’s tongue hath no language to speak what I saw:

Things glorious, unearthly, pass’d floating before me,

And my heart almost fainted with rapture and awe.

I view’d the dread beings around us that hover,

Though veil’d by the mists of mortality’s breath;

And I call’d upon darkness the vision to cover,

For a strife was within me of madness and death.

I saw them–the powers of the wind and the ocean,

The rush of whose pinion bears onward the storms;

Like the sweep of the white-rolling wave was their motion,

I felt their dim presence,–but knew not their forms !

I saw them–the mighty of ages departed–

The dead were around me that night on the hill:

From their eyes, as they pass’d, a cold radiance they darted,–

There was light on my soul, but my heart’s blood was chill.

I saw what man looks on, and dies–but my spirit

Was strong, and triumphantly lived through that hour;

And, as from the grave, I awoke to inherit

A flame all immortal, a voice, and a power !

Day burst on that rock with the purple cloud crested,

And high Cader Idris rejoiced in the sun;–

But O ! what new glory all nature invested,

When the sense which gives soul to her beauty was won!

- “The Rock of Cader Idris” by Felicia Hemans

At first I was like:

…then I saw this:

And began to realize that things were about to get bad…

I didn’t realize the drama, the pathos:

The good times:

…and the bad:

After much contemplation, I realized there was only one meme I could post in defense:

Soundtrack

Lotta smarter people than me have already posted better answers in this thread, but this really stood out to me:

the thing is. my queries are not that complex. they simply go through the whole table to identify any duplicates which are not further processed then, because the processing takes time (which we thought would be the bottleneck). but the time savings to not process duplicates seems now probably less than that it takes to compare batches with the SQL table

Why aren’t you de-duping the table before processing? What’s inserting these duplicates and why are they necessary to the table? If they serve no purpose, find out what’s generating them and stop it, or write a pre-load script to clean it up before your core processing queries access that table. I’d start here - it sounds like what’s really happening is that you’ve got a garbage query dumping dupes into your table and bloating your db.

I play mages, so the real issue for me is that the magic system in Oblivion is far superior. Being able to craft your own spells is absolutely fantastic. Skyrim cheaped out by removing the complexity and spell crafting, and Shouts didn’t really serve as a decent replacement.

Combat with the remaster is exceptionally smooth and natural, and I honestly preferred the original Oblivion system than Skyrim’s - which always felt janky to me - like it was trying to use Fallout mechanics to show off, not because it made for a better combat experience.

The questing and storyline strikes an excellent balance between open world discovery and directed play - Skyrim’s felt disconnected, and I often lost track of exactly what was going on or why. You also get far more background and story - books in Skyrim are usually one or two pages long. Books in Oblivion usually are around 20 - 30 pages.

The remaster absolutely kicks ass - visually, it’s easily on par with Skyrim graphics, and the audio is fantastic. The performance is far better as well, but it still retains a lot of the old school flavor with the simple interface. I’m really enjoying it thus far - it’s been long enough since i played the original on the 360 that it’s like a new game.

Plus, it’s got some amazing early 00’s voice talent - Patrick Stewart plays the Emperor, and despite the lines being a bit janky at time due to how they were recorded, the actors did a really good job.

All in all, it’s AAA title from a time when that meant something, and with the modern engine and graphics, it’s a masterpiece that outshines many of the top titles out today.

“Suck who? I’m gonna do what you tell me.”

Better than Skyrim. Fight me.

Trump.

Edit: QuarterSwede beat me to it, so I’ll go for Musk as a close second.

If you’ve worked in an office before and clean up nice, sign up with every temping agency in your area until you land a gig. Generally, if you’re reasonably reliable and show you can hold down a position for more than a few weeks, they’ll try to keep you working even after a particular contract expires. It also can (and often has in my experience) provide permanent employment with your contracted employer if they find you a good fit for their team.

As for alternatives to Indeed, the service that’s gotten me the best jobs has been LinkedIn - despite the memes, it does produce results. The only other spot I’ve had close to as much luck as I have on LinkedIn is craigslist (but you do have to be on your guard for scammers).

How you know this job is a scam, in your own words:

I also get paid exclusively based on how many people I get to donate (this was not on the job ad on Indeed).

This means that you’re likely getting less than minimum wage, indicating dubious legality and (as you’re experiencing) poverty inducing fuckery. It wasn’t on the job description because it’s likely illegal.

Also, never ever ever use Indeed. It’s a den of lies and villainy. You will find nothing but skullfucking third tier recruiters, AI bots programmed in Hindi, and suspiciously lucrative offers from Dubai that require you to turn over your passport. You will literally have better luck on craigslist.

I landed a job last week (hired me on the spot, did training 3 days later)

Translation - no one wants this job and they’re desperate for suckers

Reputable charities for the record and without cash donations, so not some scam

Cash donations make it too easy for you to supplement the sub minimum wage you’re earning under the table, so that’s why they don’t accept them. Their business model is likely based on a subscription donation model that allows them to hook the donor and get them on their marketing lists. The only way to ascertain that the charities in question are actually getting any donations is to contact them independently. My guess is that if it’s not a scam, the charities in question end up with about 10% of the actually donated $ with most of it going to company overhead.

Personal experience - I worked a number of these types of jobs when I was younger and trying to make my way, including working donations for non-profits and political campaigns, as well as your more traditional pyramid schemes like Cutco. They operate in a very similar fashion, but you’re more likely to make at least some money with the regular pyramid schemes - non-profits will work you harder and pay you less, because you’re “doing it for the cause” and not a paycheck, supposedly.

GTFO now. I wouldn’t even bother about the paycheck or giving notice. Any basic office temp job will pay better and give you more security. Hell, even fast food workers are paid hourly.

I find your use of the phrase “Apes” derogatory, and it completely justifies my vote for Stein in 2024. Slander simians at your peril, liberal stooge.

Guys…

In the 2004 Battlestar Galactica series, frack means fuck.

This is almost exactly what happened to me on Monday, resulting in a fifteen hour day.

My particular jenga piece was an Access query that none of my predecessors had deigned to document or even tell me about… but was critical to run monthly or you had obsolete data embedded deep within multi-million dollar reports.

Thank god I don’t work on salary anymore, or I’d be really upset.