Reads like an AI has reached a level of self-awareness that wants child support.

“No stairway. Denied.”

Let’s not count it out just yet. I would put money on you being right, but I really want you to be wrong, and until it comes out there’s always a chance.

Probably steal an instrument and start busking. See if I can work myself towards a tent and a dog.

I don’t have any musical talent but with absolutely no job or prior commitments, and my desire to eat soon, I think I’d get quite good quite fast.

That one video of dashcam footage of a random brick/stone going through a windscreen. The noises of sheer terror and grief they made.

You’ll need to make it very visible and very real to as many people as possible, and make it sound credible that “shit like this starts up again, and I’ll be back, be excellent to each other or else”

Why have I never heard of this before that’s a brilliant idea. Do they grow mad mold quickly?

I have the ability to do the job you require and am willing to do it in the listed times for the price stated. Let’s get this going.

I bloody hate having to be all “yeah im really passionate about mopping floors at 6am? There’s nothing I love more than getting yelled at by customers.”

It frustrates me because having to suck them off like that is the only technique that works because why don’t interviewers see straight through it? Their entire purpose at that point is to hire the best guy for the job, and consistently they just fall for bullshit.

I peaked hard on Halo. I wish I had the gear/inclination to start a YouTube channel for it. Back in those days YouTube wasn’t the high-paying career it is today, and i was convinced it would be a waste of money to get the gear required to start one.

I’ve properly grown up since then though, and now im nowhere near the best at any video game. I often wonder how different life would be if I’d managed to just sit at home playing games every day and be a near millionaire from it.

Tunic felt to me like being 3 or 4 again. Unable to read the instructions, working it out from the pictures and button icons.

I didnt complete it, I got stuck against some baddy quite early on and just sorta lost interest, but its on my list of games to go back to.

I don’t know these details as well as I should, but it’s a great game you’ve done well there!

I was wondering how long it would take for one of them to start on the other.

Slapfight soon?

YMMV there, a lot (like a disturbing amount) of sleep paralysis sufferers report a hag coming to sit on their chest making breathing hard. I’ve never met her and I’m so glad I didn’t.

In my experience you can still control your breathing. I like to try breathing morse code as loud as I can. It makes me feel a little better that Im doing all I can, even if it’s next to nothing.

Recurring theme, hard to pick the scariest, but there’s a shape-shifter after me, like the liquid terminator or something. I know what it is, it thinks I know but might not be able to catch me. It tries to get close to me while I try to get away without letting on that I know. Really socially tense and my life is on the line.

Scariest one was the first time I remember having it. My dad took the dog for a big walk and drove off in the car. A couple minutes later my dad walks in the house without a car, staring eye contact at me, absolutely neutral expression, and walking slowly towards me. I ask where the dog is and he doesnt even respond, just walks back out the room and reappears immediately with the dog on the lead, also staring at me. I don’t remember how that one ends, but they got more convoluted and cat-and-mousey after that. Sometimes I got away and sometimes it caught me and stabbed me up.

Now any time anyone starts acting strange around me I always pinch my nose to see if im dreaming. I haven’t had that dream for about 15 years but it sticks with me.

Would-be assassin’s have realised he’s protected by a supernatural force and it’s not a good idea to get on the wrong side of such things.

Back in the day I was one of the top players on Halo. Regularly and easily beating professional players.

I’d lose easily to some talented newbies though for this business. "I just killed them so theyll have spawned at x about 2 seconds ago and the sniper spawns in about 7 seconds so they’ll rush over taking that path for the cover so I can force them back with a grenade bounced around th- “why the hell are you in here this is the worst place to be!” while they just surprise murder me.

I badly bruised (i still insist broke but the xray said otherwise) my foot by dropping a 20kg block of frozen chicken on it. Explained to the nurse i dropped a block of frozen chicken on it, forgetting that she didn’t have the context of the meat factory, and she gave me such a withering look of “what a pussy” and walked off before i could finish explaining.

Was limping for about a year…

Can the bottom panel just be Rambo instead?

My wife is the first woman i have properly been with, and i find myself staring at her moustache when she’s watching the TV and unaware.

Im in no way turned off by it or anything like that, it’s just fascinating to me somehow. Like 6 years I’ve been with this woman and I still can’t stop.