I have severe depression and constant thoughts of suicide. I have a serious self harm habit. I burn my arm so frequently that the top of it is mostly scar tissue. I should not be working, I should be in in patient therapy because it’s not a matter of if but when am I going to go too far and off myself.

I still have a job. I live in constant poverty, and live paycheck to paycheck, but I still have a job and support myself.

I mean you answered your own question my dude. Pay an artist or take the time to learn q new skill and do it yourself. The former is the quickest and there’s plenty of artists out there looking for work, latter might give you the ability to put some more of yourself into that game, and learning how to make music is a skill you can hold onto forever.

I’ll have to wait until next week when I’m back at the site but sure I’ll take better pictures and post them here

The only reason I’m not sure if you’re right is because I’ve been taking care of this site for years and never saw any fully developed fruits but this year I’ll keep an eye out for them when they fully develop because these got planted decades ago and nobody in the DOT knows what species they are.

Ty for your time.