LargePenis [he/him]

Iraq is occupied and its armed forces can’t start the engine of an armored carrier without US approval.

So a pretty insane story from Egypt is currently unfolding. Two Egyptian young dudes stormed a State Security police station in the Al-Massara district of Helwan and detained officers for five hours. The aim of this operation is allegedly protesting against the Egyptian regime’s policies, specifically demanding the opening of the Rafah crossing to allow food and aid into Gaza. The Egyptian Interior Ministry denied of course the whole incident, but we have multiple angles, and a four minute voice message from one of the guys that was recorded on Thursday. In the voice message, he called the operation “Hadid 17” in reference to Aya 17 in Surat Al Hadid in the Quran, “Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its death! Indeed, We have made clear the Signs to you, if you but reflect [upon them].”. He said that he wanted to give life to the dormant people of Egypt and inspire them to rise against the State. They also leaked tens of documents which shows the scale of arrests made by the Egyptian state, with tons of people being arrested for “Ikhwanism” or “Islamic proselytization”, which is just insane. One guy was arrested as a 14 year old for “Extremism”. The fate of those guys is still unknown, but I hope they’re safe. It’s pretty cool that this is happening on the same day that George Abdallah asked the people of Egypt to rise.

Macron officially announces that France will recognise the State of Palestine. I normally don’t pay attention to the internal Hollywood politics of the fascist West, but this is quite interesting.

Full statement translated by Nazi Grok:

True to its historic commitment to a just and lasting peace in the Middle East, I have decided that France will recognize the State of Palestine.

I will make the solemn announcement at the United Nations General Assembly next September.

The urgency today is to end the war in Gaza and to provide aid to the civilian population.

Peace is possible.

There must be an immediate ceasefire, the release of all hostages, and massive humanitarian aid to the people of Gaza. It is also necessary to ensure the demilitarization of Hamas, secure and rebuild Gaza. Finally, it is essential to build the State of Palestine, ensure its viability, and enable it, by accepting its demilitarization and fully recognizing Israel, to contribute to the security of all in the Middle East.

There is no alternative.

The French people want peace in the Middle East. It is up to us, the French, together with the Israelis, the Palestinians, and our European and international partners, to demonstrate that it is possible.

In light of the commitments made to me by the president of the Palestinian Authority, I have therefore written to him of my determination to move forward.

Confidence, clarity, and commitment.

We will achieve peace

I’m too employed and way more offline than I was in 2022, so I haven’t been able to form an opinion on Thailand vs Cambodia. After giving you fuckers a long ass breakdown on Druze shenanigans, you all owe me a simple answer on this following question? Are we #TeamSiam or #TeamKhmer or #TeamTheyAllSuck?

Don’t shoot me, but I like the name. If Macron could make it with a dumbass name like En Marche, everyone can make it with a stupid name. It’s simple and breaks the classic European thing of “X-Democrats” or “colour” or (People’s X). I believe in my beautiful Jezza 🙏

Time to address the elephant in the room for Mr LargePenis. Wtf is happening in Syria? I’ll first have a little breakdown of who the Druze are, then we’ll see if we can cook up a little take on everything that’s happening.

1. the Druze: I don’t think that anyone on this website is Druze. In fact I don’t think that anyone here has even interacted with them. I don’t know if this crosses some rule on this cursed website, but the Druze are very fucking weird to say the least. Let’s first understand who they are. Their religious beliefs are basically secret, all Druze books aren’t allowed to be shown to any non-Druze person. Even Druze people don’t really know what their beliefs are, as they follow a policy of secrecy even within the group itself. A random young Druze person isn’t really allowed to learn the real beliefs until they reach a certain age, that’s when the Sheikhs are in charge of basically measuring how much that person is deserving of knowing. Their main thing is unwavering monotheism, even their official name is not the Druze, but Al Muwahiddin (the Monotheists). They also believe in reincarnation, which is called At Tanasukh in Arabic. The faith itself originated in the early 11th century in Egypt as an offshoot of Ismaili Shia Islam during the reign of the Fatimid Caliph Al Hakim. The Druze believe that Al Hakim was a divine manifestation and a central figure in their faith, not merely a caliph but an incarnation of divine wisdom. They do not worship him as God, but see him as a hidden spiritual figure who will one day return. They also like all the usual prophets like Muhammed, Jesus and Moses, but have extra respect for Prophet Shuayb who they view as their main spiritual ancestor. They also love Aristotle and Plato and other nerd philosopher Greek guys. They have four main centres in the Middle East which are completely disconnected from each other. The biggest concentration is in Jabal Al Arab in Syria, located in Suweyda Governorate, which is around 90% Druze, and the scene for all the action in the past few days. They also dominate the Galilee in occupied Palestine and the occupied Golan Heights. They also have a significant presence in Mount Lebanon, where they fought and won two important battles in Druze history against the Maronites of the mountain. They basically dominate all mountains in the Levant area, and are split between Lebanon, Syria and Israel, with three completely different paths in the societies of all three countries.

2. Druze politics: In Lebanon, Druze politics mainly consolidated in the Jumblatt family, with Kamal Jumblatt dragging Druze politics into a socialist pan-Arab path. During the civil war, the Druze fought side to side with Palestinians, Communists and later Hezbollah and Amal. Their politics were mainly revolutionary, and against the exclusionary policies of the then-Maronite dominated Lebanese state. After the assassination of Kamal, the leadership of the Druze was passed down to Lebanon’s now-favorite Twitter shitposter, the wacky and contradictory Walid Jumblatt, and we’re now living in the era of the 3rd generation of Jumblatt leadership with Walid’s son Taymour taking over. Their main political party is called the Progressive Socialist Party, and Druze people just like other sects in Lebanon are sectarian robots who just vote for any dude that follows the same sect. In Syria, they’re a bit more insular, but still had a significant role in the founding of the Syrian state. They gained prominence during the Great Syrian Revolt against French rule, led by the Druze leader Sultan Al Atrash. After Syria’s independence, the Druze maintained a pragmatic relationship with the state, with some members reaching high positions in the Baathist era. During the Syrian Civil War, Druze communities were divided, with some supporting the Assad regime and others just wanting to stay out of the problems. Their main centre in Suweyda stayed under Assad control during the whole war. One of the main characters for the SAA was Druze, everyone who was extremely online during the main stages of the war should know the name Issam Zahreddine. Relations between Assad and the Druze later soured in mid-2023, with weekly protests in Suweyda City which were called the Revolution of Dignity. They mainly protested fuel prices and stuff like that in the beginning, but it took on a more Druze nationalist character later. The thing is that Suweyda was pretty much semi-autonomous even during the war. Assad made it easier for Druze men to dodge military service for example by establishing an extensive network of officers to bribe. The presence of the SAA in Suweyda was also mainly Druze officers and soldiers, who stayed loyal to the state through the system of the Syrian state pretending that Suweyda Governorate didn’t really exist, while keeping the Governorate safe from ISIS or other Jihadist infiltration. In Israel we have a more evil turn suddenly. The Druze in Israel maintain a close, but controversial relationship with the Israeli state. They aren’t exempt from mandatory military service like other Arabs in Israel, and many Druze soldiers have died fighting in conflicts like the current Gaza genocide, which leads to understandable hate from other Arab groups who see them as collaborators. Politically, Druze leaders generally align with right-wing ultra-zionist parties or centrist zionist blocs. Their participation in elections often supports governments that continue evil Israeli bullshit against Arabs of 1948 and Palestinians under occupation. Druze politics in Israel tends to prioritize integration and cooperation with the Israeli government over confrontation in any shape or form. Despite their loyalty and historical glazing of Israel, the Druze community still faces social and economic discrimination by Israelis who will never accept an Arab as an equal no matter how much you suck up to them.

3. Wtf is happening now: If you have made it so far and read all the historical nerd stuff above, then you will understand if we summarise the three Druze communities in the following terms: confrontation in Lebanon, insular semi-independence in Syria, and pragmatism and sucking off the state in Israel. What’s happening now within the Druze community in Syria is a combination of all these three paths into one. They’re confronting the mindless bloodthirsty Jihadi Syrian government led by Jolani by carving out a semi-independent Druze State in Suweyda Governorate, with a pragmatic appeal to Israel for security. Since the fall of Assad, the new government has been unable to establish any control in Suweyda Governorate, which has been controlled by a fully-Druze militia that mainly consists of former SAA officers who threw their old uniforms and now operate under the name Rijal Al Karama (Men of Dignity). As of now, Druze High Sheikh Al Hijri’s gamble seems to have worked. Israel airstriked the living shit out of Jolani’s army who were marching on Suweyda, and they managed to leverage that reality into a humiliating agreement for Jolani which basically makes Suweyda independent. Of course this was only possible because of Jolani’s idiotic management of the minorities question since the fall of Assad. The killings and kidnappings of Alawites on the coast showed the true colors of the new regime no matter how much Jolani tried to twerk for the West, the Gulf and even Israel since coming to power in Syria. The initial successful march on Suweyda by the new Jihadi Syrian Army left a trail of destruction and blood of innocent civilians, mainly committed by actual members of the new army with interesting Jihadi pasts. The Druze appealing to Israel for support is understandable from a pragmatic point of view, as their community genuinely faced a risk of oppression and perhaps even a threat of genocide if those Jihadis were allowed to rule over the Druze of Suweyda. The whole tribal forces nonsense was also an amateur move by Jolani who tried to benefit from the shitty relations between Druze and Arab Sunni Tribal Bedouins in the desert of Suweyda. No one could take the tribal forces thing seriously when they were departing from Damascus with heavy weaponry and then in later videos people noticed that half of these supposed tribal fighters were Uzbek and Uyghur jihadists that everyone knew from the Idlib days.

4. Who should I cheer for?: Absolutely no one. On one side you have Jihadi freaks who are supported by America and have committed indescribable crimes against Syrians already. On the other side you have an insular separatist community who put their interest over the unification of Syrian land, and now have committed a major unforgivable sin by openly collaborating with Israeli enemy to bomb other Syrians, even if they’re Jihadi freaks. My take: spare the civilians, but all the combatants hopefully have a fun time.

It’s hard to have any real emotions about this situation other than hoping for as little bloodshed as possible. On one had you have the Al Qaeda headchoppers led by America’s favourite jihadi, Mr Jolani himself. On the other side you have the Druze who are running a quasi-separatist movement that is openly backed by Israel and directly surviving due to the Israeli air force. I hope everyone fighting has fun as long as poor civilians are spared as much as possible.

can my newsmega friends stop fighting :(

Let’s talk some Russia-Ukraine for old time’s sake. What’s the ground situation looking like for the 2nd half of this year? I’ll admit that I still kinda follow day to day updates, I check the Suriyak updates on telegram at least pretty much once a day. The main vector for now seems to be the Pokrovsk-Myrnograd urban agglomeration, with Russians achieving full drone coverage of all supply roads this week and being very close to cutting off Rodynske which is the lifeline for the Ukrainian garrison in the cities. I’ve read multiple comments about a possible Russian summer offensive to break the attritional nature of the war, but I have missed this. Do we have anything concrete indicating that or is that the usual telegram nonsense? I’ve been personally quite interested in the multiple cross-border attacks that Russians have done in recent months. These attacks might indicate that Putin is serious about the whole “buffer zone” thing. But it also opens up a pretty interesting direction if they continue pushing on near the Oskol River, as it could force a Ukrainian withdrawal from the Eastern bank finally. Anything interesting that you guys have seen or predict?

If you ignore the part calling Barzani a “crypto Jew,”

The crypto jew thing is pure anti-semitism, but the town of Barzan where the Barzani clan originates is a genuinely interesting place to study. Other villages and towns in the now Iraqi Kurdistan region were always domianted by one tribe or one religious group. You had Christian towns, Sunni Kurdish towns, Shia towns and so on. But Barzan is unique in the region, because it became some kind of refuge for all kinds of tribeless Kurds, Jews, Christians and other outcast groups. The Barzani clan itself isn’t a tribe or a clan in a traditional sense, but more of a Barzani “nation” that indicates allegiance to the pre-modern concept of the town itself. A Jew in a normal Kurdish town like Akre would be considered a foreigner or a stranger, but in Barzan they would be treated as a “first class” citizen. There’s a very interesting Jewish history that is connected with Barzan, that stretches all the way back to the Assyrian Exile chapter of Judaism.

There’s an interesting book that I read about Mulla Mustafa Barzani and his relations with Israel many years ago when I was a teen. One thing that I remember that still sticks out in my mind is that he sought the help of Israel in the first place because he genuinely thought that Jews controlled America, so in his mind he thought that being friendly with Israel meant that America would help him. The relationship then soured because Israelis kept dragging him into massive issues with the Iraqi state, while he just wanted some concessions. The Israelis for example helped him plan an ambush against Iraqi troops. He wanted to kill a few soliders and take some hostages, but the Israelis embellished later the scale of the ambush and claimed that they helped kill 2000! soliders, which would be a suicidal move for Barzani and drag him into a massive problem. When he was later in hospital in the US, they didn’t even help him with the hospital bills when he asked them.

My short commentary on this:

A collapse of the Barzani-led Kurdistan Regional Government with the return of the Federal Government to Iraqi Kurdistan would be a net-positive for the region. The KRG colludes with Israel and the US, oppresses all revolutionary activity, and is a neoliberal hellhole with no redeeming qualities unlike Rojava. They are only good at building nice apartment buildings and trafficking women, they can’t even pay salaries to their teachers and sanitary workers. Anything that breaks this separatist project is good.

Of course that Iraqi Kurdistan goes straight into civil war mode the moment I start looking for plane tickets. I’m still seething over my canceled trip to Iraq because of that fucker Netanyahu btw. In slightly related news, my son turned 1 yesterday, and he celebrated that by somehow pushing over a drawer and destroying it in the process. Fucking Mossad agent.

In other unrelated news, I should probably address the current instability in Lebanon here, as the government is openly colluding with Israel in an attempt to disarm Hezbollah. At the same time, I’m genuinely tired hexbears, the barrage of bad news just isn’t stopping these days. This is probably counter-revolutionary or defeatist or whatever, but I still haven’t recovered from the martyrdom of Sayyid Hassan Nasrallah. I have struggled to engage with any Hezbollah news or content in the past few months, I just can’t get over that he isn’t with us anymore. The death of my own grandparents didn’t affect me even 10% of Nasrallah’s martyrdom. I desperately want to go to Beirut soon, but it’s still risky security-wise and I’m just dreading the thought of actually seeing his grave, I just can’t do it.

I have been quite offline this week, so I don’t know if this has been posted here, but look at this absolutely incredible Balticpost

All Arabs are now western brained, it’s over for my people.

Well yeah, I’m seeing random left-adjacent accounts on Arab Twitter talking about it. I follow lots of Shia Islamists also and they’re also happy that a Twelver Shia will become mayor.

The total American cultural victory is undeniable when me, a Lebanese dude who has never set a foot in America and will never be able to get a visa, is pumped for Zohran Mamdani’s victory in his road to becoming the mayor of NYC. Honestly, good work America.

Aaaand we’re back to the regular programming schedule

They’re nothing more than a cult with the Rajavis basically occupying the place of the Hidden Imam in Shia theology.

The only revolution you’re getting is one where there’s a Trump Tower in Tehran and a McDonald’s next to the Azadi Tower

I hope no one will call us doomers and losers in the future when we call out Iran’s weakness and inaction towards their allies.

Gang I think it’s true, getting that same impending sense of doom from the resistance infosphere that I felt after the strike on Nasrallah and before Assad’s fall…