It’s interesting looking back and realizing they really were just doing whatever they felt like and claimed it was to help
Like one of their ideas was to randomly paint my room but to tell me I couldn’t have it the colors I liked because they were “dark and depressing” and then painted it the 2 colors i specifically said i didnt want like come on
Sometimes I think about the level of depression I experienced when I was around 12 and genuinely nothing I’ve experienced since has been as bad as that
I dont fully know what caused it but even after something traumatizing happens to me now I’m always like this still really doesn’t compare to how bad that was
Also funny in an ironic way that literally no adult in my life did anything helpful but many of them did things that actively made it worse
Yesterday I felt a sharp pain on my stomach when i accidentally pressed it against the countertop and convinced myself a hair got caught and pulled weird but I definitely got bitten by something 
The giants of my industry are doing layoffs of thousands of people
It’s grim
Some of them can lie dormant for a while but other than HIV I dont think youd go years without knowing
It’s hot as fuck out and pretty humid but this weekend is support to be significantly cooler 
I thought I had asthma as a kid because I had breathing issues that I got an inhaler for that I eventually stopped needing
As an adult I saw an infographic about how kids describe anaphylaxis and learned that what I had was not asthma and I could’ve fucking died and my adoptive parents really didnt give a shit
Was out in the sun for like 4 hours yesterday (3 of which had extreme UV) and didnt get mask tan lines 
I was reapplying my face sunscreen religiously
My birthday hasn’t even happened yet and I can feel my adoptive mother and step brother ruining it already
Luckily I’m going on a day trip with friends a couple days before where ill actually celebrate it and ill just go to work on the day of
Still nervous for what bullshit they’ll have for me this time 
Fun fact about being a transracial adoptee: a regular part of my childhood was white adults coming up to my adoptive parents to ask them how much I cost them, in front of me
I like jetpens and Yoseka for ink
I wish cats weren’t an invasive species because its so funny seeing them interact with things
Im relistening to the magnus archives and every episode I have a moment where I’m like 👀 I know who that us
Learning that I dont “hate” kids, its just that every single parent in my adoptive family is awful and the kids are the biggest victim of that was such an eye opening experience that I’m glad I had in my teens so I didnt grow up to be a child hating adult
Tomorrow I’m gonna play pokemon go, get some good takeout (maybe even boba), and hopefully remember to get coconut milk and a thing to help my foot pain
I think I have an ear infection (or ear ache) and I dont have health insurance
Scratching them behind the ear and telling them how cute they are