Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. Damn you, Large Marge!

I only lose my mind over advanced calculus. That’s some rough stuff.

Again, Vietnam makes the US look like a bunch of chumps.

For years I have said that y’all is the best thing to come out of the south.

It’s almost as if excluding due to arbitrarily drawn lines is a bad idea. It helps nothing, it only serves to hurt people food.

“I hope you like lobster because I want to make you my Maine girl.”

Something about VerMOUNT.

“I’m glad I have a boat because I’m about to take you to rode Island.”

"Hi, I’m from Michigan. holds up hand and points to it with the other To be precise, here. I’d like to offer you a seat. To be precise, here. points to face.

“Girl, are you from the Midwest, because I love your cans, ass. (Kansas)”

At a meetup for technicians: “Are we in the Lonestar state because all I see is an amazing tech’s ass. (Texas)”

“Do you have a sister named Elsa because that would make you Anna. I’m on a trip around the country and my next stop is Mount Anna.”

“I’d love to get you in a threesome, but I’m not sure about my inuit girlfriend, so Alaska. (I’ll ask her)”

You forgot the pre-1700s picture where all of the US is red.

Venison, lobster, scallops, crab, and shrampies!

Nu!

That sounds like a valid reason to me!

Why do you try so hard to make baby Jesus cry?

I envy anyone who can hear the words “white bronco” and not immediately think of OJ Simpson.

I see what you did there.

I have house Crocs, does that count?

I have one of those. Banging on crap at 11pm, revving his Harley at 5am, has a rooster. Fun times.

Growing up is overrated. This is gold.

We are those who join forces and we also burn crosses.

Mic holder, probably: “How do you like it?”

And that’s sad.

Bought a Hyper X headset when I was drunk one time. Solid purchase, still have it 8 years later. Only stopped using it because I wanted wireless.