I’m a male victim. My perpetrator was an ex girlfriend. It happened a long time ago and the assault itself didn’t give me much or any trauma. I’m lucky in that way. It wasn’t painful, just left me feeling confused, gross, embarrassed, and helpless. I’ve worked through that stuff. Which made me more comfortable to speak up about my experience.

But in the rare event I’ve brought it up it has always been painful due to how it’s reacted to. I sympathize with every woman who has been assaulted and understand more than you can know about not being believed or having your assault minimized… all that stuff. But let me tell you, try being a male victim. Literally nobody gives a shit.

I’ve been told to “sit down”. Pointing out something like “just because she was blackout drunk doesn’t mean she was the victim” woah boy. That one is a doozy because it was my fuckingremoved. Telling someone a SA victim has the right to defend themselves in whatever means they deem necessary? Not if you’re a man. Nope. Which is why I didn’t defend myself.

I’ve told exactly two women in my life about it. A good friend and my wife, whom I love dearly. That stupid bear or man nonsense that went around last year? Each told me, “you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never had to deal withremoved.” Independently they said this and it wasnt even necessary because i was on their side. Instantly felt like I wasn’t seen. Like I told them about one of the most serious things that ever happened to me and it wasn’t worth making a mental note of? Male victims just do not matter.

It sucks. Worse than the damned act itself.

I feel like this is the only place I can be heard.

  • LaughingLion [any, any]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    It’s okay. It is up to the harmed to forgive those that harm them and for those that do harm to change who they are. Harm is harm but I don’t think this one event defined her. As her victim, I think I have the right to say that and I think you have the right to say and feel what you want about the person that harmed you. It’s valid as long as we aren’t forgiving assailants on behalf of other victims.

    As far as therapy, I have gotten much of it at points in my life, mostly for other things. Like I said, the assault itself I have moved past. It’s the reaction I get to speaking up for victims and about my experience that is the trauma. I also have CSA that is of a different nature. I’ve spoken a lot to a therapist about this and understand it causes my hypersexuality but after much treatment I’ve resigned that it’s just something my wife and I have to live with. She’s understanding and we’ve found a balance. There are many common trauma responses to CSA that nobody talks about and I don’t dare talk about them here, either. It’s such a hairy topic that it’s best left to specialty spaces for it. There actually was a decent subreddit for it but because it dealt with people discussing their abuse it was eventually banned.