I’m a male victim. My perpetrator was an ex girlfriend. It happened a long time ago and the assault itself didn’t give me much or any trauma. I’m lucky in that way. It wasn’t painful, just left me feeling confused, gross, embarrassed, and helpless. I’ve worked through that stuff. Which made me more comfortable to speak up about my experience.

But in the rare event I’ve brought it up it has always been painful due to how it’s reacted to. I sympathize with every woman who has been assaulted and understand more than you can know about not being believed or having your assault minimized… all that stuff. But let me tell you, try being a male victim. Literally nobody gives a shit.

I’ve been told to “sit down”. Pointing out something like “just because she was blackout drunk doesn’t mean she was the victim” woah boy. That one is a doozy because it was my fuckingremoved. Telling someone a SA victim has the right to defend themselves in whatever means they deem necessary? Not if you’re a man. Nope. Which is why I didn’t defend myself.

I’ve told exactly two women in my life about it. A good friend and my wife, whom I love dearly. That stupid bear or man nonsense that went around last year? Each told me, “you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never had to deal withremoved.” Independently they said this and it wasnt even necessary because i was on their side. Instantly felt like I wasn’t seen. Like I told them about one of the most serious things that ever happened to me and it wasn’t worth making a mental note of? Male victims just do not matter.

It sucks. Worse than the damned act itself.

I feel like this is the only place I can be heard.

  • WasteTime [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    13·
    6 days ago

    CW: SA story

    spoiler

    Some of the experiences told here resonate too much with mine, in my case the perpetrator was male and a close friend of mine, we were both adults. I spent years silent because I didn’t know how to explain how I was removed by another adult male and “did nothing against it” (after being unconscious I woke up and he was there, doing it). I cut contact with him. After more than 5 years I finally broke the silence and told what had happened to some of the friends we had in common, I thought it was the least I could do, this person is dangerous to other people. My “friends” acted all worried about it but the next day they ghosted me.

    The physical damage was nothing in comparison with the distrust I developed. They must have seen me as a burden so they abandoned me. My priority was alerting them, I wasn’t asking for retribution or anything of the sort. Never talked about my abuser in hateful terms. For some reason I didn’t feel hate towards him, only disgust and disappointment.

    Men have a lot of trouble conceiving their kind as adult victims of SA. Not only when the victim is another person, it was hard for me to come into terms with what had happened too at first. The idea that “IT COULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME” is in our subconscious and I get it, it’s the alpha male bullshit from the patriarchal society we get fed from birth. But my friends were all leftists so I thought they would act differently. Maybe I was asking too much.

    Although the event itself hurts less now it changed me, I don’t trust people so easily and my boundaries are way more stricter than before. To this day I can’t call anybody a friend, I don’t perceive basic empathy from other people and in every social interaction I feel like I’m about to get fucked(figuratively), the paranoia never goes away.