I’m a male victim. My perpetrator was an ex girlfriend. It happened a long time ago and the assault itself didn’t give me much or any trauma. I’m lucky in that way. It wasn’t painful, just left me feeling confused, gross, embarrassed, and helpless. I’ve worked through that stuff. Which made me more comfortable to speak up about my experience.
But in the rare event I’ve brought it up it has always been painful due to how it’s reacted to. I sympathize with every woman who has been assaulted and understand more than you can know about not being believed or having your assault minimized… all that stuff. But let me tell you, try being a male victim. Literally nobody gives a shit.
I’ve been told to “sit down”. Pointing out something like “just because she was blackout drunk doesn’t mean she was the victim” woah boy. That one is a doozy because it was my fuckingremoved. Telling someone a SA victim has the right to defend themselves in whatever means they deem necessary? Not if you’re a man. Nope. Which is why I didn’t defend myself.
I’ve told exactly two women in my life about it. A good friend and my wife, whom I love dearly. That stupid bear or man nonsense that went around last year? Each told me, “you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never had to deal withremoved.” Independently they said this and it wasnt even necessary because i was on their side. Instantly felt like I wasn’t seen. Like I told them about one of the most serious things that ever happened to me and it wasn’t worth making a mental note of? Male victims just do not matter.
It sucks. Worse than the damned act itself.
I feel like this is the only place I can be heard.
Not a man, but I feel you. The person who did the thing to me was a woman, which instantly makes some ignorant people think it’s no big deal, or somehow less serious than if it were a man. In reality, it was for me, a quite violent and immediately traumatizing thing, despite how some idiots think women are incapable of doing such things… I sympathize with you tremendously, and I’m sorry how your experiences have been disregarded and minimized by some ignorant people <3
My mom was sexually abused by her sister, my aunt, and she kept it secret for years. I didn’t learn about it until right before she died she told me. I will never forgive my aunt for that. It ruined my mother’s life and she drank herself to death over that and her awful marriage.
It sucks. I can imagine with how society tends to diminish lesbian love and lesbian sex that has its own elements of trauma. I’m sorry it happened to you.