What the fuck is wrong with me. I can watch something that doesn’t speak to me whether it is good or not, but the moment I start to like like it I just stop it and get afraid of continuing with it. For example my backlog is full of games that I know I will like but I never play because I am afraid of not properly enjoying them or understanding them.
Is this shit behavior ADHD, autism, OCD or a combination of them all? Do you have this issue as well? Sorry for the rambling but I am high and in despair right now, I can’t enjoy anything at all anymore (when I was a teen I didn’t have this issue, it appeared after a particularly hard semester in uni)
I’ll give you this advice and I mean this in the most sincere way possible: find a new hobby.
Whenever something traumatic happens to me, I always try to subtly change something in my daily routine, whether it’s what I wear or what I eat or what I do for fun. The point is to have a soft reset so I can distance myself from that traumatic experience. It’s so I can say, “well, that was incredibly shitty, but at least that bullshit chapter of my life is finally over and I am turning a page to a new chapter and I can tell I’m in a new chapter because I eat/dress/do things slightly different.”
My guess is that gaming has been tainted by your hard semester, and the reason why you can no longer enjoy gaming is that you still unconsciously associate gaming with that terrible semester. I don’t know how bad that semester was, but I think you should change some things. You don’t have to fully reinvent yourself, but it’s a good opportunity to explore other hobbies and see whether they scratch the itch that gaming once did.