I have a friend who I’ve known for a while, and generally he’s a really friendly guy, like the type of guy who will go very far - sometimes too far and at his own expense - to help someone else out. While the environment that facilitated our friendship ended a while ago and I didn’t really keep in touch, I have the opportunity now to re-initiate that friendship.
Yet, I am having reservations because I’m fairly certain he has the “disorder” mentioned in the title. While the urge to be specific is quite strong because I want to be clear about the reasons for my suspicions, I don’t want to go into too many details for several obvious reasons, so I’ll just sum it up by saying he will almost constantly inject mentions of any number of very serious physical health problems he claims to have into any given conversation, often out of no where and frequently at times which are contextually inappropriate and unnecessary. He is generally self-deprecating, and overtly seeks pity from others, to the point of abruptly derailing conversations and social events for the sake of it.
I know a lot of folks here have a lot more experience with these kinds of illnesses than I do, and so I’m generally wondering if there’s any insight y’all can provide for this sort of thing. Are there ways to tactfully convince him to seek assistance with his mental health, when he’s so preoccupied with his supposed physical ailments?
It’s difficult to weigh in with just an assumption of such a diagnosis. I have a friend with health anxiety who talks about their health issues and the illnesses they think they might have. I’ve learned that it helps them to have someone to talk about their health journey and who doesn’t judge them for always assuming the worst and exaggerating their symptoms. I can’t ‘fix’ their anxiety, all I can do is be there and listen to them and acknowledge their fears and frustrations.
Munchausen can be a very serious disorder that involves lying to doctors and/or inflicting harm on oneself. In that case it might be necessary to have some kind of intervention, but I don’t have experience with such things.
Know that you are not responsible for your friend’s health. People who live in their own version of reality often do so out of necessity and self preservation, and it can cause them great distress if an outsider tries to force them to break from this. In mild cases it’s better to just let them vent and let them know that you will be there for them. If it becomes overbearing you can try to limit your attention towards a subject and/or take some distance from the person. You can always suggest someone to seek help for underlying problems like trauma, anxiety or emotional/mood issues.
I was thinking about doing a kind of segue from him bringing up some ailment into asking about how his mental health is doing, asking if he has ever talked to a therapist to cope with all the problems he’s having, but of course I don’t think talking to a general therapist would help with this sort of problem even on the off chance I could convince him to do it.
Generally I just give him some sympathy and then go back to whatever we’re actually talking about or trying to accomplish, but there are definitely times where it’s overbearing, and it’s admittedly making me hesitant to invite him into a new social group because of how overbearing it can be when he’s holding up an entire group of more than a dozen people with it. I also left this out of my post but it’s the sort of thing where, if I don’t invite him, he’s going to know and it might be awkward, which will also make me feel guilty.