Joke’s on you; I drive with generic Ford Focus badges, rotate my number plate for each new road, and use a curated set of bumper stickers that match 67% of other road users for harder fingerprinting.

When I want to be extra sneaky I drive my car into a lorry (semi), drive the lorry onto a train, offload the car while on the train and change lines, load into a different lorry, disembark the train a short way away from the locality I want to reach, drive half way in the lorry, then get the car out for the final few miles. I call this method, “The Onion Road,” because of the layers of privacy.

Most of these also say “I’m a terrible fucking driver”

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The first time I saw a diagram like this, it annoyed me, because I thought it was made by someone who was being paranoid.

Looking at it now, though, I can’t argue with the logic. This is how a criminal would interpret the stickers on a car.

My OPA sticker says: Day’s coming soon, kopeng. Remember the Cant

I mean… I have a personalized plate that doesn’t contain my name. But this is exactly why I don’t have stickers

And here’s me:

• no stickers
• crappy old car
• nothing much in the car

Good luck criminals, if you steal it, I might even thank you.

The commentary to the small-breed dog one is precious.

Lol. My car sticker say: “Tell your cat I said pspspspsps.” and “4.2 Litres _Washerfluid”

The secret that I’m a dumbass that thinks I’m funny will never be safe again.

I have magnets for my car; American flags, 'Don’t Tread on Me", etc. (I wanted to get a Molon Labe/μολὼν λαβέ magnet, but my partner said no.)

It’s camouflage because I live in a deep red area.

I would put gun stickers on the car–god knows I have enough–but a ‘Glock perfection’ sticker = free gun in glove box, and is asking for a break-in while you’re in the Piggly Wiggly.