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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 1 year ago

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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 1 year ago
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  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆@yiffit.net
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    1 year ago

    “Yeah, I died.”

    “You… Died?”

    “Well, I got better.”

    • Hazmatastic@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Sounds like something a witch might say…

    • PopShark@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I mean this is possible with modern medicine provided we include death to mean like a very short death before resuscitation lol

      • stoicmaverick@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Nurse here: This drives me nuts. Patients tell me all the time their harrowing story about how they were “dead for 6 minutes” or however long, before being “brought back to life” and their oxygen depleted brain made them hallucinate heaven, and how real it was. Dead means brain death. Your heart rhythm at the time has nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, explaining this to someone who is trying to explain why they appreciate life now makes you an asshole, so I don’t.

        • PopShark@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Thanks for the info!!

          • stoicmaverick@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            You’re welcome. Now I’m going to remain on this soapbox and loudly explain to anyone within earshot, without being asked, why the entire vitamin aisle at your local grocery store is a scam unless you have a clinical deficiency…

        • Fosheze@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Exactly. Hell, now a days you could spend a couple weeks without any pulse or breathing by being hooked up to an ECMO and you’d still be fine once they got your shit going again.

  • Boozilla@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Assuming this is real: Some people are incorrectly declared dead and it becomes a gigantic bureacratic hassle to deal with. I could see those poor bastards needing to get a copy of the certificate for themselves to try to clear it up.

    Because in this Boring Dystopia, “computer says dead” is going to make it impossible to do almost anything. However, for some brave adventureres, I suppose it could be a brand new start.

    • MindTraveller@lemmy.ca
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      1 year ago

      You’ve been declared legally dead. Your bank has cancelled your credit card. You go to the bank to get your credit card fixed, and the teller says there’s nothing they can do because you’re dead.

      Do you say:
      A) BRAAAAIIIINS
      B) I got better
      C) Apparently I’m the second coming of Jesus Christ

    • VelvetStorm@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Ok, so bad advice time.

      Or you just stop paying taxes and other stuff like that, and the government will fix this issue for you real quick.

      • Parafaragaramus@infosec.pub
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        1 year ago

        Same with trying to collect life insurance.

    • lud@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      - “I promise you, I’m alive!”
      - “Computer says no.”

      • dch82@lemmy.zip
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        1 year ago

        “Computer = Truth”

    • TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Knew someone whose dead son had identity stolen. They found out when the wife went to collect death benefits.

      PROVE YOU CRIED THOSE TEARS

    • SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world
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      Pretty sure someone just typed in “Myself “ where the name is supposed to be. And the “Someone else” box is a selection list for relation to the person like Spouse/Child

      • Boozilla@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Probably. With the text centered it’s a little ambiguous. Could be a button or a textbox.

  • ℕ𝕠𝕓𝕠𝕕𝕪 𝕆𝕗𝕗𝕚𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕝@lemmy.world
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  • Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca
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    1 year ago

    Hello; I’m just calling to let you know I’m dead.

  • SnausagesinaBlanket@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Did he died?

  • AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/2a83679e-58c1-4a42-a643-5c62a9482650

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