They may be incapable of knowing. There are no magic words that will penetrate their defenses.
The good news is that you’re free. You can stop now. If you need permission, I’ll give it to you: You are hereby allowed to stop trying to get through to your wilfully deaf parents.
Please stop.
From https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
The next stage is uphill recovery haha we will get there!