A yank who thinks they get to decide who talks in @europe?

How terribly on-brand.

I have literally no idea why you think I would give a rat’s arse about your opinion of the UK? Or indeed anyone’s. Are you trying a side gig as a holiday planner or something?

I certainly don’t have a monarchy. But I think I’d rather have one than that shitshow of a so-called constitution you’re labouring under. Go on, tell us all about how those checks and balances work, why don’t you?

It’s almost as if fucking your flag every night, reciting the pledge of allegiance every morning, and getting a bunch of lifetime political appointees to have a seance every time they decide if the King, err, sorry, President who appointed them is allowed to ignore the constitution isn’t quite the world beating system you thought it was.

Still, don’t be down. Always another country to invade and brown people to kill, eh? That’ll make you Great Again.

I mean, the main difference with you lot is that the Brits were actually pretty good at it.

Yanks on the other hand just go galloping in, fuck everything up, shit your pants, and then slowly slink back into the bushes while shouting “look, we won!” Make a few films about how sad it is that some Brave American Heroes get nightmares from all the defenceless children they shot/gassed/orphaned, realise that the Real Lesson is buying a bigger flag and forgiving yourself, rinse, and repeat.

I see you’re at the “buy a bigger flag” stage.

To be fair, the Brits fucked themselves with Brexit. While the US is trying to fuck the entire planet.

The fact you don’t find that more embarrassing is pretty much the problem.

One oresumes he’s trying to appeal to their sense of pity. “Won’t somebody think of the poor, dead, orks?”

To be fair, way way before anyone was remotely concerned about climate change, I worked at the Press Association in the UK - where, stereotypically enough, the IT department was relegated to the basement next to the PA Photos wire-photo department (IT in the basement because, well, normal - photos in the basement because photo archives with glass negatives literally weigh tonnes.)

Anyway, the arrival of the first picture of people (ideally attractive female students) ‘cooling off’ in a fountain, or the annual “look, it’s a beach, and there are people (ideally attractive, female) on it” photo was practically the first sign of Spring. Up there with the inevitable “students (ideally attractive and female) celebrating their A-Level results” photos; markers of the passing year that are as reliable and timeless as the blooming of snowdrops or the falling of leaves.

Which is not to say that we haven’t monumentally fucked the climate. But wire-photo cliches are not really that compelling as evidence.

So we can expect Vance to do another of his tours lecturing Europe on free speech imminently, then.