Heh I miss saunas. I grew up with them. Perfect bonding experience. As in stfu and meditate.
I’m imagining this as a sitcom In which the scene cuts after anon’s mouth opens, but just before words come out.
People talk in the sauna? I thought that was a nono
At my local it’s like a fucking pub in there. Yapping away. I wish they would all just shit up and sweat silently
Here’s the “rule”: The first time you speak to someone they should be fully clothed, unless there is a clothing malfunction you are attempting to resolve and that requires spoken communication.
It’s fine to make friends at the gym, tho that’s not what I’m ever there for. It’s fine to talk in the sauna, to people you are already on speaking terms with. It’s not okay to see someone in the sauna, appreciate their body, and use that as motivation to talk to them for the first time.
A “do you mind if I pour some water on the stones?” Is a good opener. Then you wait for them to engage. If they don’t, so be it.
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Not true, you may address anyone at any point in the sauna if you bend over, spread your ass cheeks and lip sync every word you say with your anus.
I’m sure there are also circles where less-clothed social events do happen where not everyone at the event is already mutually acquainted. While I’ve never been to those event myself and haven’t be told the social protocols explicitly, I would assume that if you aren’t crashing the event, you are allowed to speak to less-clothed persons you’ve not met before, to introduce yourself at least.
(I’m not a pretty person, so I think I’d be even more uncomfortable that such events than I am at other social events.)
You smell that?
OP after releasing a stream of whey farts for the past 10 minutes.
Maybe he wanted the room to himself. No awkward girl there
She was absolutely looking to leave as soon as this guy schlubbed in to look over her “good body, tits, and butt”. The attempt at conversation was just the opening she needed to escape.
I didn’t know about the no speaking rules in Saunas. I would think that should be a sign but there easily could have been and anon didn’t read.
It would already be creepy if the first thing he asked was where she lived; however the line “Well I decided to talk to her and ask where she’s from” can imply that he spoke, got no response, then kept yapping.
Furthermore, the fact he’s complaining about how what he did was not “really that bad” without acknowledging he broke a rule, tells me that he knew what he was doing but decided to break that rule because he’s not “really that bad”.
All that said, I’d probably break that rule to crack a one-liner like the reply, because dumb jokes are my favorite.
I’ve never seen any no speaking rules in Germany but “no flirting” is very much an implied rule and the way anon describes her has having a “good body, tits and butt” he probably might have been creepy before even saying anything.
I’m not a big sauna guy and thus mostly was there with my girlfriend. And in the setting where you’re there with a partner, causal small talk with strangers was quite normal. I think it heavily depends on being able to read the room.
if you can read the room there isn’t enough steam.
Maybe for a steam room, but Sauna isn’t steamy
I have never been in a mixed sauna. I don’t think I could do it.
It is like releasing a hungry bear into seal exhibit. The seal has no where to run and idiots are scream “oh my God why would he do this”
Men* shouldn’t act like hungry bears. Society at large shouldn’t have to assume there’s a significant risk that an an unrestrained man will act like a hungry bear. That includes in mixed saunas.
The fear of being a trapped seal is, currently, fairly well-justified. It would be nice to change that.
*: No persons should, but the problems are mostly cis men, like myself.
You’re leaving out some details.
Sneaky sneaky there Mr mountain top
You’re leaving out some details.
Well, yes, I usually am, but I thought I included sufficient, relevant detail. If not, please educate me or let me know where I can educate myself; I would like to do better in the future.
Mr mountain top
My inference here is that you are implying I find myself morally, ethically, or spiritually superior. I do not. I’ve made bad decisions that have hurt people in the past. I don’t have any particular insight. And, I have been very lucky, so my experience being marginalized or exploited is limited.
If that helps your anxieties: having gone to a mixed gym sauna for a long time, I have never ever seen anything remotely inappropriate. People just take the sauna, that is all. If there are any groups coming together, they may chat between themselves, but you’ll barely ever hear a stranger even talking to you.
Gym saunas specifically have enough surveillance and multiple controlled chokepoints where perpetrator would be immediately stopped and given straight to the authorities. So, one should be incredibly idiotic to even attempt something like that. In this sense, it is no less safe than any other monitored public facility.
As a personal argument, a lot of predatory behaviors in men stems specifically from something being too limited and restricted. For people coming regularly to the mixed sauna, even those naked ones in some European places, a naked woman is just another naked person. When it becomes mundane, it stops having anything sexual attached to it.
In the US there are not mixed gender saunas. Mostly a European thing and even then not all of them.
It’s not difficult.
Shut the door. Shut up. Sit down and keep your mouth shut.
You are allowed to aks “löyly?” and yell “Shut the door!” at appropriate times, but otherwise just shut the fuck up.
Sauna basics from KAJ : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSh7U3m9KgA
That’s not really how it works in the US. People talk so much in the steam room/sauna, that you’re pretty much expected to have a conversation when you step inside of either one. As an introvert it’s very anxiety-inducing.
Saunas in the US are virtually never nude though either.
Isn’t that just an US thing in general? I’ve understood that everybody (especially in the south) always wants to have a conversation no matter if you’re strangers or not
Over here in the Netherlands we just ignore eachother and when you go to buy groceries you wait for them to tell you the total and than you give them the money. No need to have a whole conversation and I love it that way, i don’t think i would survive the “southern hospitality” i always read about
That’s not really true, or it might be in some parts of the world.
However, in the land of the Sauna, that is the place to talk. It’s where you ask someone to be your best man. It’s where you ask your boss a raise. It’s where you agree on a business deal, or maybe to set up a monopoly with your competitors. And you best abide by these words: Never enter a Sauna sober, nor without a drink.
Never been to a womens Sauna, but I expect them to do something naughty as they don’t allow us guys there…
You can talk private if you have a private sauna.
In a public one, nobody wants to listen to others small talk.
This is why I only do big talk in the sauna.
No idea about public saunas you’ve visited. Never seen one like that.
I’ve never even crossed the borders of Idaho and even I know not to talk in a sauna.
She was polite enough not to storm out when a dude entered the women’s sauna.
Mixed gender saunas exist
They are the norm in most of europe.
my cat likes hanging out with me in the bathroom after I shower.
that’s all i got going.
I would say the gym is absolutely not where people go to make friends, but apparently the younger generation does use it for that. That kind of blows my mind, but it’s certainly healthier than going to a bar to meet people.
The sauna, steam room and hot tub at my gym are conversation areas, but that’s also gender segregated.
Any place you go regularly can become a place to make friends.
Home?
No way, everyone hates me there. Check out this nasty case of resting bitch face.
Yeah sure, like if you have roommates you can end being friend of their friends if they spend time there.
Indeed, I have more respect for the spiders in my home than my coworkers lmao
What’s wrong with going to the bar to meet people?
Nothing “wrong”, just less healthy than the gym. Unless you only drink water at the bar and spend your gym visit drinking high-calorie shit rather than working out, the physical exercise at the latter is generally better for your health.
(Depending on your health and the extent of the workout, obviously. Don’t overdo it or ignore injuries.)
Oh yeah, that’s definitely true. From that phrasing it seemed like OP had issues specifically with people in the bar trying to meet others.
It just came across weird to me, because from my experience folks at bars are wayyyyy more open to meeting new people than in the gym.
Because the kind of girl your average young person wants to date doesn’t go to bars. Gen Z on average is rather against the entire concept of drinking altogether.
it has nothing ot do with location everything to do with personality.
the point is you can’t know what type of personality someone has until you talk to them. and everyone gets offended and upset when they are or are not approached at the gym. because well, people love getting upset and offended more than making friends these days.
Is it naked I here or is that just you
She probably noticed him OGLING HER based on the description he just gave
Saunas are sacred shit. It’s like a gay bar, if you want to not be seen as a pest you 100% must stop acting like a moid when you enter. And some people just don’t want to be spoken to
how does one not act like a moid, what are common non-moid behaviors?
Well, the common behaviours are the shit you’d associate with the stereotype primitive men: reducing people to objects of sexual attraction, being oblivious to boundaries, exploiting vulnerable situations.
In this case, you just don’t stare at the other sauna guests. You look for a spot, preferably away from others, sit down, focus on your own breathing and all that and leave everyone else alone to do the same.
To take advantage of the fact that someone is naked and exposed to ogle them, then strike up a conversation they didn’t ask for (because sauna isn’t for chatting, it’s for sweating) when they already feel vulnerable and exposed, violates the trust in mutual privacy that makes shared saunas possible in the first place.
In the context of the greenext it would have been being able to sit in silence with a stranger in a leisure setting without needing to make the situation about themself. That’s an extreme situation though because sauna.
Usually it’s just reading people to know how far you should take a simple “how’s it going?”. The best advice that doesn’t apply to most people but someone should probably hear is not everything is an opportunity to shoot your shot, not that this is what happened.
I would bet it would have been fine to talk with someone. It’s not ok to hit on them. Obviously you need to read the room for all of it though. Maybe they don’t want to chat at all, or maybe they are open to flirting, but if you can’t read it well then probably STFU and keep your eyes off others.
So I have to act like a woman when I’m in a sauna? Any advice??
Get unwanted attention from men
